Monday, March 05, 2007

a question

why is there a sick passenger on the morning commute L train at least once a week? is there a sickness turnstile that people go through unbeknownst to them? do sick people wait until around 8:45 to go into the city, drinking down cuploads of bleach before boarding? do sick people conspire to leave the house early with their satchel of knives and get all fired up to cut reading the letter from their exwife again and again? why does it only happen when you need to get to beige sort of on time? i would like to know this. when i arrive at my train in the morning at 8:40 to a crowd of people swarming i know there is trouble. then the announcements come - no L train service, the trains are turning around at broadway junction - that's good times. i had to walk to the J. then the F train i transfer to was all fucked up and full and i sat next to a very large person and didn't care that i was impinging into their fatroll-overhang space. then there was a giant line at the coffee stand with some dickweed buying like 10 cups of coffee. then the light changed and i had to wait. then I got to work at 9:50, a full hour and ten after i left the house. now i have NOTHING to do here. I am not even on the schedule. time for the pensky file. these are the molestations of living. really, is this what jesus wants for me? is this the sort of life i should be living?

27 comments:

fairy butler said...

i am already watching the clock. this is not going to bode well for me. only 20 minutes have passed. jehovah?!

fairy butler said...

11:38.

krixfort said...

FB, I suggest you spend your day on YouTube looking for clips from David Lynch movies, the earlier the better.

krixfort said...

Jesus would want it that way.

Jesus said...

Yes. That is correct.

fairy butler said...

other option is to write several blog posts today using experimental prose. a testament to the amount of time wasted here. i have had 2 things to do which took appox. 10-15 minutes combined.

i could read the bible.

toodles said...

I hear life is a bit quieter in Portland.:)

toodles said...

Ok, no joke. We were watching David Blaine Street majick last night and the bumper after a comercial break was David facing the camera adressing the viewer and he goes: "ok watch the cards and pick one in your mind as they flip by" and then he flips the cards really fast. Diana sitting next to me calls out "4 of hearts" or whatever, and then he fucking flips over the 4 of hearts and says "this is your card"!!!

I kid you not, it fucking freaked me out.

fairy butler said...

toods, are you sure they weren't ALL the four of hearts?

i still have nothing to do. i have been searching to find some magical being on the internets that I can hire to come and fix everything that is wrong with my house. it's depressing me. i know no one will want to take the job. paralyzed.

fairy butler said...

job is mostly carpentry i guess - hanging doors, building doors, installing windows. we need nothing fancy but i feel like the choices are shady/crap vs. expensive and won't want to take job. maybe i am being pessimistic here?

krixfort said...

Fb, are you up for a special mission?

I need to dispatch you to San Francisco post haste to "talk some sense" into one of the beige follios I work with. I am getting annoyed.

Maybe PD could accompany you and bring the you-know-what.

fairy butler said...

krix i am ready to release the beast as they say. please direct me. pd it is time for you to begin the sharpening procedures.

toodles said...

It is some sort of illusion for sure, but no it was the entire deck.

burrito brother said...

Oh fb,

Your Pain = My Laughter.

But seriously, why does it take 2 hours to get into the city now except maybe at 11:30am and 2pm? Is it worse than this in Beijing and Mexico City? This is why I don't work any more...

fairy butler said...

i know bb. and i rush all the way here to effectively sit here and enlarge my buttocks in my posture support chair and surf the web ALL DAY. i need booze.

tripod eater said...

you need pennies for eyes.

fart goblin said...

stuff yourself with kerosene drenched rags. the moon is full and handsome. be one with it.

Curry in a Hurry said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zfWhZ8_-JM

pd said...

FB: can you hear the quite purr of my newly sharpened slicer?

pd said...

oops, i mean QUIET!

fb said...

peeds, there is too much vacany here today at beige. i fear i may have completed all my tasks already. yikes. i will look for someone to slice but there really isn't even that to get charged up about.

krixfort said...

oh ding dong, I have a million peoples that need slicing. I will make you both a list.

ready
set
slice

fairy butler said...

krix, i might as well just come over to your office with the knives. then at least i would be useful. i need someone to punish. how to spend the next 3 hours? how??? i am given bits of work that take 15 minutes to complete. then another hour of blankness.

krixfort said...

come on over FB. You can sit in mini b's cube and be the guard. when people come over to speak to me you can tell them to back off.

fairy butler said...

can you put a sign on your chair that says "go away" or "contact by email only" - something like that?

krixfort said...

I was going to put a sign up that said "go eat a bag of d*cks" but I heard HR wouldn't approve.

dubz said...

at my silly beige we make fotocopies of our middle fingers and tape them to the backs of our macbooks. that way when the dumbheads turn around they get a face full of it.