Thursday, December 29, 2005
midwestern rumination
Whenever I come back from visiting the famdamily in the farmlands I realize how much (in some ways) i have moved away from the culture/expectations i was raised with. meaning: going to the mall and movies and living in a suburb and driving around and watching tv and enjoying sports on tv. you know, eating at restaurants called mondo's in a strip mall and being happy with that. Raising a family. Having one of those houses with yards. being around all white people, yes some in sweats. i guess i realize why i left. but you have to admit the lifestyle sure seems easy and at moments appealing. just to not have to deal with all the crappy that is here in NYC. I know it would suck to be living back there. Or it would require a lot of work to find a place to belong in that world. but it is weird and conflicting because it was the way i was brought up so sometimes i wonder if i majorly fucked up. Does anyone have this happen to them?
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26 comments:
meaning that being in your old world or the in the lifestyle of your parents you see how much you don't have on some levels? Don't get me wrong - I don't want to move back there volunatarily, but it does raise some questions for me. class, cultural, etc.
it just adds to my daily overwhelming life confusion. i dunno. christ.
I miss that too. It is so much easier to hide out.
But FB, it is lonely out there. Even in other cities it is lonely. Our interests are shared by very few.
PD! hi!
you have a good perspective PD. thank you! I just need to remind myself that i was always a total weirdo when i was living at home and in high school. moving to brooklyn ten years ago finally felt like home.
the weird thing about being in iowa is that people think of des moines as moving to the big city. Sometimes i would not tell people where i lived. I spent quite a bit of time in small time iowa, at nursing homes and such, and it is such a different culture. not even suburban. arthur and i would joke about spotting bushwick moments as we drove through the dumpier areas of these towns. it's weird. i still feel related to that world culturally though. i see how i have that inside of me to this day. ??
we spotted probably 20 red tailed hawks perched in tress and telephone poles along the highways. it was nuts!
arthur spotted a hawk golfing in queens yesterday too. love the hawks. but my new thing = buffalo.
i wish i could lure the red tailed hawks to bushwick. they could feast on the critters.
PD, I didn't know you where the first gen?! Very interesting.
I am off to retail therapy now.
FB, we would miss you if you left for Iowa. Besides, the hawks will make a comeback. There are many ratties to gobble up. Good hawk eating.
you should apply to go on wife swap.
hi, sorry I'm late. It's interesting that you brought this up FB. I am wondering where I will go after NYU. I've only been in NY/NJ for about five years but it is the first place I've lived where I didn't really want to leave after six months. Sometimes I daydream about sleepy quiet moments back in the northwest quadrant and think that things would be easier there. . .then I think about how miserable I was. Under stimulated. It's a decent city. . .it was just me that needed something else I guess. I'm glad I moved here. I like a good struggle. Keeps me moving.
plus, and maybe Hams can back me up on this, people are not very open out there. The native reticence makes it a very hard place to engage with people. Very lonely.
Yes, Krix. I agree, but I hate the northwest and almost everyone in it. They lack humor there. No absurdity. YUCK. It was the loneliest I've ever been.
I agree hammy. I am gearing myself up for a quick trip back two weeks from now. I will be disconected from the blog, unless I go to Kinkos. YAR!
I know what you mean about the humor. I cracked a joke on the phone the other day to a Northwesterner and there was dead silence on the line--geez.
Ignorance is bliss and all of that. Sure NYC is craptacular and I feel annoyed by all the stuff that I have to put up with every day, but when I leave, I miss it in some sort of sadistic way. I guess I am comforted with all of the weirdos everywhere, and most of my friends live here so it is home. Sure the sociopath with the stink leg is a bitch, but I don't want to get wasted at ChiChis every friday either. I just need to make more of an effort to get out and do shit or mb I should indeed move to the burbs. Middle America is dreamy though. It is truely the insulated of the insulated. Prolly not a "safer" place on earth. Its no wonder they all vote for Bush, they are completely clue-fucking-less. God bless the Limited and Bennigans. Amen.
90% of everything is shit.
Regardless of if you're in the northwest, Iowa, NYC or Singapore.
That is the lesson.
Bummer isn't it?
amen BB. Well put.
I agree with BB. However, the city does suck the life out of one...but family attitudes all organized for the consumer lifestyle in the suburbs is not so special either. Nor is living in the rurals all the time - many haters of jews, homosexuals, and the like. not good. The city is the only choice when it comes to the desire to be around like types. The odd types. I am sure there are other cities than this one that would work, but this is the one I cannot bring myself to leave. At least not yet. I feel like that's what we're all saying? It's very magnetic. The suburbs are not like that. Middle America is not like that. It's more just guilt-making - shouldn't I be doing this too? Why am I not? Why do my family and their friends look at me funny when I return year after year, getting older all the time...is she ok? Is she? There must be something the matter. We always thought there was but now we know. She lives in the city and is childless. She has no health insurance. No job security, no retirement plan. Huh.
FB. I see how much I don't have every time I go back, sometimes it brings me to tears. But then again, I ache ache ache to leave and come home to my apartment, my kitty, and my pals. Know what I mean?
I loves you Fluff n Stuff!!!
PS - sorry to be so long-winded
PPS - I think Martin is onto something. You would be awesome on wife swap!!!
I was just in the tourist haven cluster fuck that is known as SoHo today. Ick. Its laughable that it used to be the epicenter of creative types at one point. Now its just 2,000 people speaking German in the Apple store sstanding around getting in the way and pointing at stuff. Mb I should move to Westchester; at least I'd be able to drive and have laundry facilities in my home.
FB, you are indeed a special critter, not a weirdo. or if weirdo, then in a company of fellow weirdos. the land of Big Box and strip malls has its up-sides, and maybe one could adjust the life-expectations to fit. But it seems like there would likely be sadness and anxiety there, too, and a sense of giving up on something really interesting? Plus you would be missed drastically.
pee ess,
HAPPY 2006, FB!!!
I second that thought! Happy New Year FB! May your thistle be soft and your butler attentive.
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