Tuesday, January 03, 2006

avian head cold

a belated happy new year all around!!! I am back from a near death experience last night chasing off a fever and a head of fire. I was sure that I would be beige-unable in the morn but instead I conquered the fire demon and released the pressure valve in my head overnight. I was imagining an ambulance last night but it might have just been lack of water for here I am bushy-tailed typing away at the beige. lemon zinger tea in hand. forestalling the inevitable life-analysis depression love cycle. yesterday I reported to work as I was told to and found that the beige decided to give us monday off but not to tell us until friday afternoon so i did not know as I was not here. clearly i am valued highly as a contributing member of my beige team.

So, in other news, a traitor from the rat army was captured last night between two metal bed frames and hung from his tail. His little pink feet were frozen in a half clutch as he dangled at my doorstep. The fur was nappy with rain. lifeless. I take this as a good omen.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

hellooooooo FB.

how's beige? Is it beigey?

fairy butler said...

Beige is worse than ever today Krix. I am hating it here. Plus I am alternately hot then cold which leads me to believe that the illness is not gone. I am thinking I would like to go lie down on one of the couches in the stadium pit.

fairy butler said...

I am only holding out because I want to go out tonight for dinner with friends. Maybe if I leave beige early and then take a nap I would be better able to make it out later? Gar.

Anonymous said...

Nap. Naps are always good.
I'd like to do that myself.

Anonymous said...

hey fb,
i'm having head-trauma / fire-shivers today too. i now believe i induldged in too many magikal liquids and vegetation on saturday eve. so very cold...

fairy butler said...

ruh roh bb. i am sorry. drink lots of water. you will be okay 24 hours from now me thinks. if the fire head is the same as my fire head.

Anonymous said...

i'm at work though (unappreciated.) i want to feel better, as i have plans to attend a 4-star bushwick eatert tonite. yes, that's the one.
My workplace (let's call it, Mauve Castle) is a disgusting germ-haven. the temp is always at like 78 deg. because of the BABY. Stupid baby. And everyone's have the flu already (some twice) except me!
i'm just biding my time...

fairy butler said...

nothing like a boiling hot room in january with on/off fever. you have to work with a baby there? what?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, a real-life BABY. And 2 toddlers. There's a lot of cuteness, but it's wierd. WIERD. And they each have their own nanny! FRENCH NANNY!

Anonymous said...

I hate to say this BB but you may have to kill the baby. I know this is a harsh measure. Maybe murder won't be necessary but maybe nettles. I am concerned.

Feel better FB and BB.

sloth said...

FB, if you leave the rat, it will soon turn into a popsicle. At which point it could be used to chill a really large cocktail...

fairy butler said...

How did I not see it before, MM? Of course! kill the baby BB. KILL IT! nettles, pine needles, ground-up rat carcass, any of these would be effective.

Sloth, the hanging traitor was frozen stiff so i brought it inside and warmed it up in a pan of bourbon. Rats make excellent soup stock. (Arthur took it away and laid it's unused corpse parts to rest in a deli bag in the garbage.)

fairy butler said...

update on the firehead: i am miraculously cured after last night's dinner date and 3 glasses of wine. cured.

the neighbor's suffered a garbage bag explosion undercover of the night i noticed this morning. i wonder if it was either:
- revenge for the death of the traitor
- crazy johnny foraging for things he can sell on the street (most likely)
- someone looking for a lost piece of mail
- a fucking psychotic trash break

fairy butler said...

the trash explosion is VERY DISTURBING! very disturbing.

Anonymous said...

Hmm... sounds like a wild pack of stray bushwick dogs were on yer block last nite. they exist! i've seen them.
As for the baby, there are at least 5 people here at the castle id rather smother. including myself today as the avian cow disease takes hold... i'm glad you're better tho fb. you are of hearty stock.

fairy butler said...

BB, i swear, the fire-head will be gone tomorrow. i boiled it out of myself. you can too.

Anonymous said...

wine helps too. I'm glad you are feeling better FB.

Anonymous said...

no more fire.
only pulsating sinus throbs. Ahhh...
i just spent the last half hour wrapping a fake mummified sloth to FedEx to Switzerland.
Many existential questions come up during this kink of event:
What?
Why?
*in case you're wondering, the fake sloth was purchased for a measely $10,000...

fairy butler said...

bb. i could NEVER have your job. i would go postal.

fairy butler said...

the ciggies don't help either arthur. just saying.

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