Monday, April 09, 2007

unearthing the tomb

There are worker bees at my home today. Nerves are high. I am waiting to get the call that my residence is structurally unsound, that the termites have eviscerated all beams and that the house is only being held up by magic. They are excavating the devil's triangle area, the pit of despair. I am waiting to see what they find but imagine something like this:



Nerves are high. Nerves are high. I just want to put on a large sombrero and hand over fistfulls of money and make it all be better and okay. I can't see you. I can't hear you. My head is full of used pencil erasers.

Related: I am looking for an unscrupulous locksmith. i may have to resort to bribing. can i do this??

11 comments:

fairy butler said...

hey, i got keys made at the first place i tried. can't believe it - i didn't even have to do any special favors....!

fairy butler said...

now question remains if they will acutally work. ten dollars each later.

Anonymous said...

FB, I hope you don't find the rat pile...and that your house is safe to inhabit. Do you see the little termite wings around???

Anonymous said...

At least your house is not inhabited by Christians.

fairy butler said...

no - no termite wings although there may be some of the little buggers somewhere or other. no critters so much either but i just don't trust what lurks below. when i get home today i will have a chance to take a really good look. no one has called yet and it's after 4 so i assume everything is okay.

Anonymous said...

That's good. Once, someone I knew was in her apartment in carroll gardens and the drop-ceiling fell and all these dead mice and maggots fell down with it! Grrrrross. Sorry I shared this with you.

fairy butler said...

yes peeds!! this is exactly the scenario i am waiting for. something along these lines.

Anonymous said...

No, no, this won't happen.

Anonymous said...

god peeds. that story could happen to me. at night i hear the critters and i am afraid... i may have nightmares now. fuck i hate rats and mice!

good luck fb... hope everything is ok at your homestead.

Anonymous said...

just thinking about what's dead in the walls makes me crazy. ughhhhhhh

p.s. my dog has diarrhea

fairy butler said...

dubz, we had a scratcher ONCE on an ill fated night a few years ago up in the bedroom. i was so traumatized by this occurence that I don't think i slept for like 4-5months - until i convinced myself that it was an isolated incident. i kept thinking i heard it again but i did not. YUCK. i hate them even though sometimes i feel sorry for them too.