Tuesday, March 27, 2007

6am

arthur had to get up early for beige. they are working him to the bone. so, i was also up around 6:20 this morn. first thought, after throwing the food-whore cat out of the bed for the 5th time, was "i hate everyone." it's a theme i've been echoing the last few days. i laid in bed for almost 2 hours trying to figure out what the hell kind of life I would like. do i need to move? do i just need pharmaceutical intervention? am i just being a baby? is it better to be poor with more time after all? rather than scrambling around, tired and irritated, eating hummus for dinner, in a frenzy?

i thought i would try working a better job for more dollhairs full time. guess what? it annoys me. it is relentless and exhausting even though the job itself is not bad at all. the people are nice. there are some things that could be better, of course, but it is totally fine. people do this all the time. they work. am i just not trained and/or used to it? is it the 40 hours schedule? is it the sitting at the computer al the time? WHAT IS MY PROB? i was thinking that my old beige was perhaps better because it was zombie-easy and one less day. but that frustrated me too. now that there is sometimes a challenge and deadlines aplenty that tips me the other way into the tired-out husk that feels guilty (constantly) if she doesn't go to the shack range. apparently i am just a pain in the ass. seriously though, there are people out there (i think?) that get up in the morning and look forwaard to what they are going to be doing at work rather than just tolerate it. can you imagine? is it my attitude? because i think almost everything is a joke deep down? that's wrong probably. i should be different but i just can't do it somehow... i feel like almost every job is just kind of bullhinky. i mean its just a world of tards buying shit.

would amputation help? or wearing pink? do i need to start smuggling in a space bag? this working shit just feels like a long stretch of nothing for me to poopon.

37 comments:

fairy butler said...

sorry. i know there is no answer like usual. i just don't want to be sucker/chump/buttnugget drone.

i need a wizard to see some of the relics. this could alleviate symptoms.

i am planning to take july/august off anyway. i think. my contract will be up. i don't know.

fairy butler said...

wizard to SELL some of the relics.

fairy butler said...

one last thing, most every day i have to sit here and listen to people on the bonefone with clients. for some reason the discussion annoys me. there is no reason.

fairy butler said...

oh, and there are new and eager people here. i sense that they will be annoying. too eager and "into it"

weird office attire person said...

let's set up a QA system so that everyone can check everyone else's work.

krixfort said...

FB, there is a cure for all of this with it's own support group.; It's called a bar.

krixfort said...

dear FB,
do you think this is weird?

My mini B is acting very odd since I started asking other people for help instead of seeking advice solely from him. He seems a bit hostile. I would think that he would be relieved, don't you?

In perpetuity,
krixfort

p.s. why are people freaks! even the normals. all freaks.

freak said...

present company excluded of course

pd said...

Welcome to the down syndrome. And on such a sunny day too. Ugh. I thought the sun might help, but no. I have a dozen special chocolates ready for you fb.

fairy butler said...

krix, that is very annoying indeed. the mini will get over it i assume. UGH. my new beige has issues with leadership in the webdev stuff. there are only vague standards, random procedures, etc. i am a freelancer. i keep repeating - i will do whatever it is that you tell me to do. read: i don't want to figure it out for you... the strange man who i assumed was not working at all for weeks apparently took over something i started and made a bit of a mess. i need to go to the bar. planning on yoga tonight - although if things go like they tend to here i will be asked to do something *right away* at like 5:15 and miss class. last thing: i was booked for 4 hours today for a project that took less than an hour. now i sit....

fairy butler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fairy butler said...

peeds, i may od on the chocolates... very necessary today. today is one of those days where someone's hair or the way they walk by my desk will bug the shit out of me. i am scrutinizing pointless visuals here.

pd said...

FB, my class is over and my new one doesn't start until April 17th. I was going to take an open class last night and was too afraid. Maybe it will be too advanced for me. Like upward leaning bear for an hour straight. I hope you get to yoga...or the bar.

pd said...

I am trying to breath FB, but it isn't working today. grrr. Damn this down syndrome.

fairy butler said...

peeds, you can go to the open class, totally. just don't do the stuff that seems too much. i am going to a hard class where i will sweat it to the oldies tonight, or more likely, krishna das or some other shystey poney musix. i am stiff and hunchbacked these days. i always get sad about half way through class. if only i could practice more...

fairy butler said...

sad about my lack of motion and general decline. i know you are not supposed to feel bad about yoga and not rate yourself and all that. i know htat is athenema to the practice. however, i do notice that things i found easy at one time are strangely difficult these days. due to atrophy of the spine, muscles, and what not. tolerance for bullshine is down too.

fairy butler said...

anethema. not that other made up word i typed. gremlins again.

krixfort said...

I cannot WAIT until this silly school is OVER!!!!!!

then I can make time for the pain arena (which I like) and for karaoke with friends, which I LOVE!!

fairy butler said...

seen on rubymydear today:

http://barbie.everythinggirl.com/catalog/productbrd.aspx?product_id=2000608&subcat_id=210018

fairy butler said...

ooof, let me try that again:
new barbie dog poops

fairy butler said...

can i go now?

krixfort said...

I thought it was going to be a joke at first, like White Trash Barbie.

hmm. I wish I had a job in marketing.

fb said...

Vent alert. There was a major freak out here yesterday on some of the code i delivered. everyone spazzing out. etc. I am being blamed, scolded, and such. i am irritated beyond belief and cannot determine how the hell there could be anything wrong. night spent worrying and defensive. And guess what. It wasn't my fault after all. everything i sent was fine. they just implemented wrong. i am starting to really hate code.

fb said...

tards are everywhere. I have to learn to not care.

krixfort said...

yes, fb, tards are everywhere. in the code world, perhaps like the art world, or just the world in general, if you are female, you have to be doubly extra sure of yourself because your compentencies will always be questioned.

I find this happens frequently when dealing with engineers which is why I am constantly trying to smart these guys to death.

This new beige is much better in the respect department but it has taken a good year and a hefty raise to get my confidence level back to pre-Cubes levels.

Anyway, you know your stuff. . .don't let these tards question you. If they come at you screaming and questioning, question them right back, is what I say. Ask them what THEY did to screw up your code.

fb said...

krix, you are SO right on about the female thing. becuase i am not peculiar, male and russian I get an inkling, just a smidge, that they suspect me. paranoia maybe. it seems that again and again when i am seen as competent and things are NOT my prob after all the respect level does rise. i am new.

when they came to me with this it was the classic - "the page breaks". i was like - what browser, can you be more specific ??! did they follow my instructions? it couldn't be plainer. growls. last night I was thinking i couldn't take it anymore. but here i am again today. working on something less annoying now. with normal (for now) producers...

fb said...

part of the problem is that most of the folks here don't have a clue about code so they totally rely on us (me and the russians) to do everything. if i were under a senior developer i would feel more protected. i would like this better. need a shield.

burrito brother said...

hey fb-
you are not wrong. you are an artist which is the real way. everything else is f'd up bullshyte. my new idea is just make the most money i need while wasting as little time as possible. this makes me a bad employee, but makes me happier.
it makes me sad to think of all the marvelous cat/buffalo/victory-eagle pleasures people out in the world could be having right now but aren't... i think the right Wizard will come along soon, I can feel it!
Then your rebirthing process will happen and you will take your place by the throne as Artisan to the Gods.

krixfort said...

Burrito Brother is on to something FB. Artisan to the gods would be a good position to have.

It is tough to be new. You asking them to be more specific is a way reasonable question. . .I ask this question 100 times a day. Most people get pissed because they are frustrated by technology and don't have the descriptive words they feel they need, even in tech specific industries. They end up either getting hostile or playing dumb when trying to explain a problem.

It doesn't help when I snort and call them a tard.

krixfort said...

your comeback, as the programmer, should always be a dismissive "it works on my machine." Then go back to your blog.

fb said...

ha. exactly krix. it's just the minute the client has the slightest difficulty the producers come running over. it's like - slow down, let's take a breath and figure this out. i am guilty too in that I become irritated instantly and defensive. it turns out i was right to feel that way. ha!

fb said...

thanks bb, you are nice. i was having some bad days in row there but now it's better. although i fear I am back to another full day of nothing to do- bad feeling about today. getting ready to read the new york times in its entirety.

sloths said...

hey fb, any bloomies in the back 40 yet?

fairy butler said...

only the sprouts so far. and the fucking green onions all over the back part of the lawn. a few of the big hyacinths are starting to bud out. they're always first, after the crocuses which are small and sort of eh. waiting for the tulips, daffodils and irises... is winter really over? please let it be so.

krixfort said...

that sounds wonderful fb. I think this year maybe I will bring green growing things and art into my apartment. Currently it looks like a monastery (with a big parquet dance floor.)

pd said...

FB, I can't wait to hang in the garden and eat hot dogs with you.

toodles said...

http://www.myspace.com/lcdsoundsystem

listen to "new york i love you, but you are bringing me down"


thought of you :)