Thursday, June 01, 2006

with a handshake



I was trying to write a letter to Van Gogh but it's not working out. I've been reading his letters for the first time and in ways I am jealous. His heady days and nights just painting painting painting. Money is a constant problem, yes, but he doesn't have to work or even clean his fucking house. I know, it's a different time, and social classes were such, etc etc, but still. Ok, this is goofy logic. I will back off of it.

Yesterday I finally had a second or two here at beige to again contemplate the future and my lack of practicality. I guess I have determined that I do not identify myself with my employment in any way. The more I think about it I really don't care what I do to earn money, besides some horrid stuff like retail, restaurant, hooker, i don't know. I really don't care much. Why am I like this? Well, because in my heart of hearts I just want to work on my relics. I don't want to work on illustrations for money or design t-shirts for money or create a children's book. All of that is fine, I guess, if the opportunity presented itself but to go after some random project just seems like a pain and probably wouldn't work out anyway. But I have also decided that I need to make money. I really do.

So, here's the deal. I am soliciting advice. I need to have a job that makes the time go by and is not humiliating. The job cannot heavily involve customer service (dealing with the public) - too tiring. It has to pay something. I do not want a full time job yet (30 hours a week is plenty or freelance is ok). I know, I should put up the resume and just see. I should. But what I am wondering more is how this situation came to pass. Why am I like this? So uncaring of professional money-making duties, career and what not? Seriously this morning I was trying to devise ways to not spend money, etc. ? Please. I cannot ask Arthur to support me and my ramen noodle ways. It's not fair. So... hence I am back at beige this morning.

It comes down to the fact that I am maybe a little spoiled and idealistic. I just want everything to be dealt with adequately so that I can pursue relic fun but this is not forward thinking.

50 comments:

fabeebles said...

stay off the crack fb

PD said...

Just an hour ago "Jet" was on the radio here. I thought of you.

FB, it is so damn crappy that we don't have bags and bags of dough. It would be ideal to have unlimited time to make the relics. To buy really expensive paint and drink turpentine like Van Gogh did. Why aren't there any Theos around?? Should we start selling the crack--Fabeebs?

PD said...

I have no job ideas, as I fantasize about the relic making all day.

fairy butler said...

It is a comfort that at least I am not the only one. I know what I need to do jobwise but for some reason find myself in an intertia loop. Unable to move forward. Can't seem to care quite enough.

fairy butler said...

I could introduce some trick die into the ongoing dice games down the block.... Yahtzee! 30 danger points old man! It's a sure way to make money AND new friends.

20 sided die said...

I put a spell on you FB.

krixfort said...

Freelance graphic design or flash?

It is a little more creative than code-toading (oh the tedium.) Still get to call your own hours. Pays decently.

I'm throwing out solutions, trying to stay close to what you already know, and that can bring in a decent livable wage if you find the right gig.

*sigh* I am glad you are soliciting suggestions. That is a sign that the mind is shifting toward movement OUT of the current beigeness.

trick die said...

lucky number seven baby!

crack-tabulous! said...

fabeebs and I are going to get some krunk. you like?

PD said...

YAHTZEE! I want to be a Yahtzee "dealer" in Atlantic City.

sloth said...

fb, krix is right... the design thing is not a bad gig. I still chafe at the beige bit, but it could be worse.

fairy butler said...

i dunno, i feel like every other person you meet is a 'graphic designer' - plus i sort of suck at it and can't use illustrator very well. positive thinking, right? so i dunno... it works for other people but the code toad world is probably more easily accessible for moi.

it's ok. i'll figure it out. some time some how...

dubz said...

hey fb - i used to design doormats. like, ivy vines with "welcome" in the middle. then i did area rugs, and woven sofa throws for nascar. i even did some NFL placemats and crap like that. i had to get out. the $$ was good but my brain was turning to nutella. now i power a gallery with my urine. any better?

anyway, i totally understand your predicament.

hammy said...

FB, I have no suggestions other than joining a cult. it is too hard to have two fulfilling careers. Meanwhile I have a pleasant phone voice. Is there a job opening for glue sniffers?

fairy butler said...

ww, did you really design nascar throws? I would like to design nascar undergarments, trusses etc. I am glad the urine is flowing today, by the way. tip - asparagus!

hammy, today is only tolerable because I don't have to come here tomorrow. but then the cycle of glue sniffing will begin again come monday. I wish i could plug my brain into a book on tape for accounting or banking. I have been working on my cat whispering. I tried it on the alley cat found in my yard last weekend that wouldn't leave. it no work.

fairy butler said...

how did it come to be that I am 35 and still clueless? how?

fairy butler said...

oh wait, I'm 34. ha! turning 35. whatever. it's getting to be time for me to get a grip.

fairy butler said...

I could open a store:

"Fairy Butler's Super Sweats" - a full line of mystical sweat pants and sweat pants accessories for the non-active lifestyle

hammy said...

Something was wrong with that cat, FB. You are a cat whisperer for sure. It is all a game of tricks to get through the day. It is sad when the candy machine is the highlight. My brain is turning gummy.

hammy said...

Sweat bands for catching the condensation from the pop can.

krixfort said...

mystical sweatpants are solid!

magic dances sold separately.

fairy butler said...

there is a woman i used to practice yoga with years ago who is now going to be on a show on animal planet about yoga with dogs. then I saw the dog whisperer on tv which i love. so why not the FB, cat whisperer?

Hams, I sprayed the offending stray with the garden hose to little avail. i hit it with a broom repeatedly. finally i put on the garden gloves and threw it over the fence. all in a day's work for the cat whisperer. this re-enactment will be the first episode.

fairy butler said...

arthur tried the good approach but this cat wasn't having any of it.

fairy butler said...

i meant to say 'good cop' approach. i was the bad hitting cop.

hammy said...

Second chapter could be set in Rome. You wil walk out of the colloseum followed by a large crowd of strays. Each one prancing in unison.

pd said...

Whoa, wait--what's so wrong with hooking?

cant do right wrong said...

Good question. Very good question.

fairy butler said...

they will dance to a lively pan flute to later feast upon thinly sliced prosciutto where deli-slicer will make an appearance.

hams, i had fried nuggets for lunch but now i want more candy. also had 3 peeps at 10am.

i have no organs any longer.

fairy butler said...

i would be the worst hooker ever pd.

hammy said...

I'm considering another treat. The problem is that I want a treat so bad until I get it and then I think it is gross. What kind of candy FB?

JD said...

FB, I'm 42 and still clueless, so things could always be worse. If I had it to do over again I might become an electrician (no, scratch that, I'm too chicken) or a plumber. There's always a demand, and it pays well. Seriously, though, design isn't too bad, considering. I think a lot of it depends on the particular office dynamics. The jobs I've hated the least had the nicest people; very little depended on the work itself.

hammy said...

JD, Plumbing involves feces... which might be better than my co-workers to be honest.

fairy butler said...

jd, you are not clueless by far. I have no doubt about that!!

lately this beige world has been ruined by some poopy corporate stuff and new manager etc. it's just lame. i feel like a sucker for working for such a low rate. but as you can see here 'working' might be stretching it to describe what i do here.

i think i have vowed to not complain about this stuff ever again. i should not be allowed to mention it EVER again until I change it. I was sort of up for a really good gig but i didn't get it. exit door closed.

fairy butler said...

jd, i know what you mean about plumbing. a nice lady plumber or electrician would get so much work!

I am available to help plant out urban gardens. I would love that as a job. Picking out plants etc.

fairy butler said...

if the sweats store doesn't work out...

fairy butler said...

hams, my eye is on a skittle like treat but i may settle for coffee.

sloth said...

I am chain-chewing my way through a pack of Dentyne Fire gum.

fairy butler said...

sloth, i know!! i cannot have that gum near me, seriously. I will eat it all in one sitting.

sloth said...

one per ten minutes, so far.

PD said...

Hey! I just had six Godiva chocolates! And I am going back for more. Maybe I'll pull out the gum.

PD said...

As for hooking, I was fired by my pimp. He didn't think checkerboard
Vans and old jeans were sexy enough.

sloth said...

pd, you should try the Godiva chocolates with the gum centers... deeelish!

your pimp, by the way, I give him the karotid chop!

PD said...

Sloth, go easy on him. You know it's hard out here for a pimp.

I have sush a sugar high going. But something makes me wanna have more, more, more.

AlsoArthur said...

And now a random webtreat. One that makes you go 'well, my job sucks, I have no idea wtf to do, but at least I'm not a dick who just got slammed on the web!"

http://www.amirtofangsazan.blogspot.com/

fairy butler said...

amazing find arthur. whoa.

sloth said...

THAT was great. thank you, arthur... revenge, she is sweet, even when vicarious.

hammy said...

That is so good. Thanks for the happy moment.

sloth said...

fb, I have to tells ya: after hangin with you guys today, I went by my opticians' office, and the sales clerk was singing the "ridin' dirty" song... cracked me right up.

tood said...

When I think "man fuck hell shit dude, life is just a kick to the sack why do I try...why don't I do what I need to do instead of talking about it...dang I have sketchbooks full of ideas; turn the fucking lights on and shart shooting, life is ok...meh I'm too tired, why is life so hard?" I look at this and I feel much better:


http://photomichaelwolf.com/100x100/

April said...

the people who will have the most fun and make the most art never have the proper resources.

i do take comfort in knowing that me and my cublicle-hater friends are not alone. that we are not the only ones contemplating vincent van gogh-dom.

if i had the balls, i would. just run away to cuba and take photos. and make pretty things. and smoke fat cigars.

but alas, i don't. back to paperpushing. nice blog.