Monday, June 26, 2006

the goddamned birds

i was forced to put a pen around my lettuces because of birds. they eat the tender young seedlings and leave strands. today I watched them jump all over the cage & try to feed. then one fucker got under the cage and was trapped - darting like a spaz until the metal mesh... so I let it out and have more narrowly secured the edges. I am over these motherfucking birds. here is visual documentation of my BIRDNO!™ lettuce pen that I constructed this weekend.



here is a blurry photo of how the grass is not growing or filling in in an appropriate manner. mucho dirto and crabgrasso. no like-o.



but still i persist in my communion with the plants. from the wideangle it is all skittle times.



in all honesty the garden has completely taken over my personality. I speak the language of leaves and blooms now, i make the kiss kiss with the worms and sing the song of sixpence with my ant friends. I care not for real life and don the white nylon with pride. here you will find the trap door to the underslabs, to the mole people and their colorlessnesses.

37 comments:

fairy butler said...

note: it is important to drink the whole bottle of wine and to not clean or pick up. it is important to deny the passage of time and the eclipse of beige cloth that will pass upon my lowly head tomorrow. i was going to say that I will shit the bed with pride tonight. but really, that is too much. i will simply consider it ... and then pass.

fairy butler said...

seriously, this is pretty much all i've got going.

sloth said...

FB, wow, your garden she is bodacious like a big living FB relic. I cannot wait to clap eyes on it. I will be harvesting bed-crap for compost.

Also I like your bird trap technique. Might I suggest: cat food supplement?

fairy butler said...

ah, yes sloth, cat food supplement, well done. I am waiting to come home tonight and find 5 lil birdies dead and/or trapped. I will fix them like cornish hens. or something.

yes, we want to have you all over, but i cannot figure out a time.

krixfort said...

that jardin is an oasis of truth, fb.

burrito brother said...

beautiful fb. perhaps a 2nd career awaits you? as a bird-subverter...

JD said...

FB, I love your Hydrangeas!! Big huge purple and violet puffballs. The grass thing is a bitch; I love in a co-op with a garden, and we slaved to get the grass to be pretty. It ended up pretty complicated; we had to spread lime to et the PH to be right, then we added compost and new soil and mushed it all up together with grass seed. It worked, though.

JD said...

not to "et" the PH to be right, to GET it to be right.

Today is a day of general incompetance for JD.

fb said...

jd, yikes on the grass story. i really just want it to grow & not confuse me. everything else grows, why does the grass not? I am hoping it fills in, but testing for ph and adding lime is smart. I probably should have started there but I was impatient.

krixfort said...

Dial up General Sod, Fb. He will help.

JD said...

FB, did you try just throwing some grass seed on there?

fb said...

we started with bare soil, deweeding, some new topsoil and this specialty 'no-grow' seed that i ordered online. it's slow growing which is part of the problem i think. i may have to reseed again in late sept.

that is fantastic! said...

that is fantastic!

JD said...

Maybe the soil is just plain Evil! Your garden looks real purty, though.

I had a friend who lived on Union St. in Bklyn, right near the Gowanus canal, before they "cleaned it up." He and his girlfriend grew broccoli in their garden, and it grew in HUGE, and really gnarled-looking, kind of. They ate it, but I thought they were crazy: it was most definitely mutated.

pd said...

FB! Wow, what a beautiful garden. I love the hydrangeas!! They are so big and lovely. I would be out there every morning and evening if it were mine.

fb flower freak said...

broccoli is a freak plant regardless but i am sure the mutant soil just increased its propensity to largess. they should not have eaten it though. yikes. we have a strict policy of only eating things grown in pots. and even that may be a bit dicey.

thanks pd, we lucked out on the hydrangea - it was there when we moved, big and established - just needing a little TLC like the rose bush and the rose of sharon tree.

broc-dood said...

brocolli is nuts if you let it grow. I had a few plants that turned into bushes once.

Corny said...

Fb, your garden is lovely. I am excited to see it. I'm starting mine out and am going to try clover as a ground cover instead of grass, it seems soft but doesn't require moeing I guess. I planted two hydrangias and a bunch of other stuff last week during the heat (stupid) and everything was wilting and suffering and it was looking like nothing I planted was going to make it but the last few days have been great, eveything is pulling thru!
I love the planting in the middle of the axis, very nice and elegant. You've organized your garden in such a way that you can have different sectors with different looks, smart way to break it up.

Corny said...

Check out this site, the forums are an amazing sorce of information.

Corny said...

(maybe you know that site alreaty)

fb said...

corny, i want to see your garden!! and I will bring you some of the stuff from the middle section - it's some kind of sedum and if i just cut a hunk off and you plant the leaves in the ground somewhere it will root and grow like crazy. hydrangeas can go into a bit of shock when they are first planted and they don't like too much sun. overwater it in the beginning. it totally helps them i have found. your clover thing sounds good. I need something for the back area by the tree. i will look into this. the grass we planted is supposed to be a 'no-mow' variety. you don't have to mow or water it much once it is established. it is taking forever for the establishment though. and there is a forest of crabgrass now? ok. i am garden freak & could talk about this ad nauseum. i have some work to do now before bed. must do. stay away from blogs now. must resist pull.

Corny said...

I'll totally take you up on the clippings offer. I'll post a pick of the garden, it's a bit bare still. Where do you buy plants? I've been driving up to a nursery in westchester to get stuff, whats a good place around here?

Corny said...

Hydrangias are almost in full shade (2 hours of morning light) which i hope will work for them. Most of our yard is cemented over, our garden bed is 7x20 feet against the back wall of the yard. I might not do any ground cover and just have plantings 'cause it's such a small space.

Upstate I had wild stawberries as a ground cover, they were rampant and pretty and seem to want to grow in any condition.

fb said...

wild strawberries sound so great! my grandma used to always have them growing and she'd make me staw. shortcake when I'd come visit when I was a youngin.

as for plant buying - i have bought most everything from homedepot. seriously. we are constantly there. the selection was really good in the early spring now it's not so great though. the gowanus nursery in carrol gardens is higher end (more pricey and I got a little intimidated there) but they have more unusual stuff. it's worth checking out. ugh. i have work here at beige and I want to check on the blogs but then i will lose more time in outerspace. = naughty.

Corny said...

thanks Fb I'll check out the gowanus nursery.

Later hosen

Heart As Arena said...

Happiness is a warm gun.

fairy code toad said...

i got an in-person interview for new beige. I can't believe it!!!

sloth said...

CONGRATUFUCKINFABULATIONS, FB!!!!!!!!!

(never doubted it for a second, btw)

fb said...

thanks sloth! I am going to dance to the job-gods tonight. honestly, I am just happy that I made the first cut. helps with the confidence. It's been so long since i've been in the job market.

fb said...

now if i could just sell a relic. sigh.

pd said...

I KNEW IT FB!!! Yay! Congrats on the job interview. You are irresistable--so don't doubt it.

I love all this garden talk. I want a garden. I used to help my dad all the time with his and I miss it.

pd said...

Fb, I am thinking up a special congratulatory dance for you for tonight.

sloth said...

pardon the swear, fb. It was the tourettes... pops up at the most inappropriate moments.

sloth said...

when's the interview? I must get busy with the shrine and rodent sacrifices.

krixfort said...

i giveth the code toad blessings to fb, who is already blessed by being the best fb ever!

congrats!

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