I've been behind w/the blogs this week. so i spent last evening catching up with y'all and then delving into the jerry saltz-edna post and then, sigh, painternyc. after that i was so depressed i could hardly make it out the door to the shack. so depressed out the insanity of trying to be an artist (female artist). so depressed about some comments i read about a 'certain kind of fantasy landscape painting' or 'doodle-abstraction' or something on one of the blogs. i know. this is what i do i guess, and i know it's in vogue, but soon to be out of style if it is not already. not that it makes any difference in my case (since i am mostly in the shadows, hiding, waiting for things to appear out of thin air.) i think to myself - god, i'm going to be that 5th-generation ab-exer who totallly sucks. oh well. get my trophy ready. here's why.
i went to the shack anyway. i paced around feeling gloomy and hateful. but the thing is that i can't really dictate my work. it is what it is. i can finess, re-direct, showcase the strengths and hide the weaknesses, but i can't just turn around & make it something else. intellectually, emotionally, or otherwise. it is a path. i must follow this path. right? the thing is i actually forced myself to work and then it all turned around. the excitement of discovery, the potential for the vision of the relic to take place - always 'not exactly it' but better - different. it is so much fun - albeit sometimes a pain in the ass and completely hard. walking on the tightrope last night. but the process is so satisfying. i feel ok when i leave. it's weird. so i can't quit making this stuff but it is such a life dillema for me. i can't figure it out. is it a very expensive hobby? worth all the 'sacrifices' or whatnot? I should consider myself lucky to be able to make stuff at all. F. I need to be a super human who can work a full-time career that pays well enough (something different than current) AND continue with the relics. But is that realistic? What are normal expectations for the FB? {do not answer this}
Anyway, PD, thanks for you comments on edna's blog (and others). it was a fun read. and you especially pd, you have some kind of special perspective/fortitude about art making that i really admire. i wish i could siphon some off. i am opposite, the hateful questioner of unspeakable truths somehow.
The therapy blog must go on I say. I have another post to make now. catchin up.
36 comments:
The doodle abstraction comments got to me too, FB. In similar category and won't be changing anytime soon. I still tune into painter blog but each time I do I feel dirty, like in a grad school critique gone wrong. All those evil voices in the head. Harder to put the blinders on and move forward.
FB, I am glad you had a good night in the studio. To me that wins out over all. When that isn't happening everything else is out of whack. I love your relics, as you know.
I missed you in the ether this week. Thanks for coming back.
Agree about PD. She is always focused about being a painter and what she wants to do. PD rocks.
Edna was so irritable the other day. Why was she not interested in accepting other opinions on JS's review? Sure, it was great CVH got reviewed but why can we not criticize the critic? No comprende. PD handled herself really well.
Hi MM! Will i see you tomorrow at the pirate party? I hope, yes? The painter blog depresses me so much lately. Sometimes i wish it was still just 10 people commenting. it is cool that you met WW though and that came about there i guess. mostly.?
and i have learned things there - - in the past.
By the way, have you ever tried licking frog's back skin for the hallucinogenic properties?
FB, my blog gets me down too and makes question my work in a not good way. I can't read it all the time, I know that is bad but it is not good for the painting.
That fantasy comment got to me and I took it personally.
I am pretty sure I saw a show of yours a year or so ago and it really stuck in my head was it on 24th street?
Anyway I really appricate your thoughts.
FB, I am definitely going tomorrow. YES! What time will you be there? I know about Painter. It makes me sad, WW and I were lamenting the heady early days of 10 posters who recognized each other. No more fun interpretations, just ugly business.
I will lick Frogs' back. Just to try. Just to get somewhere ideal.
Wow, hi Painter. The fantasy comments were pervasively disturbing. I am shocked that there are so many disgruntled anonymouses out there.
MM, that was my favorite too when it was you, WW and Borrito Brother. It has a whole life of it's own now. Oh well.
It's great that it's taken off though! It was such a beautifully simple idea.
I know, I feel like the over all taste and perspective of my commentors is not shared with mine. I do think it has become a bit of a grad school thing. That is what people tell me.
It is great how it has taken off. I am happy that each painter gets so much exposer but then it doesn't seem like it is much for there benifit.
MM do you know who I am?
I would like to meet you.
hi painter! yes, 24th street. yup. (the gallery is evil however and i went away from there after non-payment of all monies owed, just fyi - stay away)
i hope you do not take my comments about your blog personally at all! it is such a crazy experiment talking about painting there and i think it is incredibly interesting - just sometimes derailing and confusing for me. all the issues, some valid to me some not are right up there. people's anger and feeling expressed. the unfairness of the art world. but still it is good. and the blog must go on.
Yeah when was the last time we were questioning ourselves so pessimistically. Really at a certain point it does hurt the idealistic studio desires. To just sum things up so callously and quickly seems to do a disservice to painting in general, somehow. Like every painting is a disease that needs to be diagnosed.
You are smart to not read all the comments, me think.
Yes Painter, someone has alerted me to your identity and I believe I saw you at Ridykeulous? I believe so. I was too into my cutting edge dance moves and a little shy to say hi. I would very much like to meet you too.
FB, I didn't take what you said personally I just felt the same way as you.
I do read the comments but mostly for things like she slept with Charlie Finch or crap like that. You never know what people are going to say.
Oh I wish I would have meet you. I couldn't get into my dance moves that night.
Well I am going to email you.
i would like to meet you too painter! should we have another blog convention mm? i still haven't met corny either!
YES we need to. Because also WW is very important for you to meet. I was thinking this. We should figure it out and make announcement. I hope that BB will come too.
Also Heart As Arena is a very nice guy. Very exciting to manifest from the ether.
let us discuss this perchance tomorrow. the blog convention. i will probably be pirating around 4:30 or so? i am stopping by chelsea forest beforehand for a second then going. i don't know when arthur will be by - he is working 12-15 hour days this week and most likely this weekend too. poor arthur. so it may be solo fb.
i have to go to the shack soon and get off my large, dimply fatback.
Wanna meet up beforehand tomorrow maybe? I could use a Chelsea dose myself as I am way overdue.
HAA seems like a good one too! He is on the guest list!
i am emailing you.
I would love to meet you FB I could use a blog support group. Please email me painterpaparazzi@gmail.com
painter, you are at the top o' the list for the blog convention party!
Hi guys I want to come, should we do it at the Mounds? just offering...
I thought I was the only one that has been inflicted with 'The Saddening' lately... but it's everyone. Sorry painter, the world (even the etherworld) is obviously a very angry place. I think the older you get, the less angry and overly happy you get about these art world dilemmas (except for a few crazies.) The youngsters often have the brash unfounded opinions, right?
And fb, don't worry about a few boneheads who let their id run wild on the internet. make those things, puttem out there, and just let the world deal with it. I liked the Jay Davis painting! And I like yours. And there's still some good comments on pnyc. they're just buried and then shouted down a little more.
what fantasy comments? maybe i missed that one. it is hard to keep up with paintersnyc.
It was on the Jay Davis post, I think.
Hi FB, MM, FB, BB, I am sad too about the painter blog madness. Very negative and depressing to think like that. FB and MM, don't let them get you down and never stop making your wonderful paintings.
the doodle comments got me anxious. What's wrong with whimsy?
okay, read it.. thanks. there is so much diversity in art. it is wild. so much disagreement in painting, and then of course there are all those other artists that don't even think painting is valid. what if they start coming on painternyc also? it is interesting that so many of the artist bloggers are painters, isn't it? surprising.
FB - i got this year's provincetown rejection today. this is like my seventh one in ten years.
martin, keep appying to FAWC. it is completely random - confounding - how they judge. i know this first hand. keep appllying. at least you apply for things unlike the fb these days. i cower in the shadows and wonder why nothing changes... i do not recommend this strategy.
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