please do not stand over me on the subway dangling your wet and dripping umbrella over my person. please. it is not my problem that you are bringing your five bags and thermos of coffee on the train and that your 10 foot scarf is all wrapped up wrong. you do not have to read the free paper right now. the train is crowded. take it easy.
and why is it sixty degrees today? why do i have on a big wool sweater and winter coat? because I thought it was january. hmmmpf.
27 comments:
i am radiating the hates today. i am boiling hot.
another problem. ipod shuffle. wtf. why must you play les savy fav constantly. i hardly like it - please. atrocities everywhere today. ipod,why are you smiting me?
FB, I am sorry for your trouble and can only offer you a ray of gatorade-colored transmission in your darkened soul. It is in the form of nothingness. So therefore I have nothing to offer you. Hi.
I am off to the studio. Off to soar, not fly.
Today is death on a bagel. I hate today too. I am brain damaged today, I know it. Several mistakes have already been made and I keep crying which is keeping me from leaving my squanderous home. Why? I don't know.
mm. do not mimic the outside. keep your spirits dry and lifted. i will try and do the same. the shack time is glory time. onward and upward.
You are right. I know. I must soar in the directions you mentioned in spite of the downward drift I am currently ensconced in. Remember....it's all good.
think of the fra angelicos mm. they are beaming golden light upon you.
maybe you need more coffee or sugar or a bong hit?
uh oh. my space bag is making crinkling sounds.
I am making the noises in your spacebag. It is an invitation to do damage upon man, hand in hand, with me, the Wooly Shishka. I am excited to fuck things up!!!
wooly, you little deviant bundle of love. let us join together to inflict mass suffering upon beige today. what do you have in mind? farting?
Wooly Shishka, I have some friends I need to introduce to you.
AArthur you are too much. I'd like to roll you up in a big flour tortilla and eat you with a side of chips...
hot stuff.
Make a sign or your drippy enemies . . .
http://www.whereandy.com/
I sat in a homeless seat again. Now I have to get my coat drycleaned again. These new carpeted bus seats are EVIL.
mix up the piss hams. mix it. spray your woolies. is all good.
fabreeze?
the piss is animal and I guess the gods want me to get in touch with my critter. i look around me and all I see are gopher faces. The urine affects me in this way.
there are gopher heads everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
I have a good "derelict on the train taking a piss" story if you want. It's the reason I won't sit on the inner seat of the forward-facing 2-seaters on the subway. FB has heard it (along with my other stories) several times I'm sure.
i'm sure my other 3 readers would like to hear it tood. if you would like to share, that is.
I keep seeing their little gopher eyes and teeth. Hair shaved in an attempt to cover the gopherness. Also ferrets. So many. I look at all the hair on everyone's head and think about petting it like ponies. And the worst is to imagine all the animal ways. The having sex and brushing gums and trimming claws. smells are doing me in. And the horrible assistants are ganging up again. This is not a ferret hole.
i want to hear
So, its like this:
Passed out derelict (I feel bad about this guy, he was absolutely downtrodden [sp?] and gastly thin/ on his last leg, etc.) wakes up from deep slumber because he is pissing himself, shakily (ok I'm going to be making up a bunch of words here) rises to his feet with a "gaHHHhhh?!", looks down, sees the wetspot on his jeans and the puddle in his seat, (at this point everyone starts to back away like a bear just crept out of the woods, and we notice too that his black jeans are covered in white powdery dried-pee outlines so this isn't his 1st "accident"), struggles with his zipper, finally gets his ding dong out and then finishes his bizness, peeing into his seat and the corner of the inner seat on the 2-seat forward facer on the A train. He then zips back up, sits down in his warm puddle and falls back asleep. Here is the best part: train slows down as it pulls into the station and the "pee river" flows agressively down to the front of the car, straphangers scramble to the back of the car...train pulls out of the station, "pee river flows to the back of the car, straphangers scramble to the front, etc.
And that is why I won't sit in the inner seat on the 2-seat forward facer.
I feel bad for the crazies, the jabber-jaws, the twichers, the smellies, and the OCD guys reading the bible/koran/torah rocking back and forth.
(oh hey here is a good halloween idea: Dress like you are a wall street guy with minor insane modifications like shaved off eyebrows and a dead racoon in a Duane Reade bag instead of a brief case and say "Twich or Tweak!")
OMG toodly. Are you anxious about that inner seat because of the leftovers that may be there? I have anxiety over any seat in the back corners of the train. It seems like the best place for someone to vomit on the train. (people like corners for that.)
i am a wizz psychic.
ugh. the sadness of humanity.
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