I have been thinking about effort, timing, and grace and how it relates to the experience of making art. Lately I have been going into the studio for increments of 2-3 hours. Because I work days I am going in to work in the evenings after dinner. I am focused and working from the moment I get there until I leave most days. On my days off from the office job I am able to hold out a little longer but after six hours tops I'm done (unless i am stretching/priming or something labor-ish like that). I don't always go to the studio both days on the weekend. Sometimes I want to do something else or I want to go to see some other art in the city or what not - do chores, be 'normal'. I'm not that hard on myself anymore.
However, I've always been a 'hard worker' - it's engrained into my personality, but in the last year I've been letting that go a little and it worries me. Is this the right way? It feels right but I often wonder "am I not working hard enough" "am i slacking?" Should I be more disciplined? Should I enfore a minimum of hours in the studio thing? Treat it like a job more? Work on more work, make more drawings? Practice. Make this the PRIMARY FOCUS of all things? I think about my work all the time - all experiences sort of funnel in - but I wonder if it is okay that I am not sitting at home drawing in a sketch pad every spare second i have? Do I care even? Do I care enough?
So, about this. The 2-3 hour mark works out fairly well for me. In this time frame I am fresh and I can sustain a certain perspective for this amount of time and then when it gets muddled I can quit. I wash the brushes and look at the work a bit and then leave. I come back the next day or the day after and I see ten new options that I couldn't see the day before. It really works better for me I am thinking. Ideally I would have several works going at once and could rotate between (i usually have one painting and one embroidery work going at the same time). Sometimes if a painting totally takes a shit turn I put it in the punishment corner facing the wall for a death to be determined later or not - months later. I wonder if other people can relate to this timing thing? Is it ok? I suppose everyone has a little bit of a different situation. And I also wonder - - because of my time constraints have I adapted my painting style/practice to accomodate? Giving up the oil paint helped me considerably. I can say that. Has anyone else adapted their art practice to fit their lifestyle - maybe even unconsciously? is this a good or a bad thing? Is it also temperment? Ambitions in the work?
I have come to realize that getting greedy with a painting is always the downfall for me. Making it happen. making it come to a resolution. it's the worst thing to do AND counterintuitive. I always thought/think that if you work hard and struggle the work will be better. There is the deKooning model - the idea of that you learn when you struggle. but there is a point in that where it becomes the opposite - you can be your own worst enemy. You lose the grace. But how to find that line. I end up picking my battles in a painting. Lately I have become much better at maintaining a certain emotional coolness (not always but 100 times better than I used to be. I don't indulge it) For me the whole painting experience is about discovery and chance to large part. It's accumulated marks over time. I am not that interested in 'fineness,' or skill even, but more in how to convey emotion through color, line and mark-making. How to put the pieces together - just to see what i can get away with - how it will all figure itself out. How to get the viewer to go with you there. I never really know where the paintings are going. I can't really dictate. Too much control = a pile of crap. But there is too little control too - there needs to be an amount of planning/structure in which to move about. It's such a weird thing to spend your time doing. It's like being an alchemist.
Any thoughts?
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26 comments:
I am trying to restore a bit of dignity today to blog world. I'll probably give up on this in about 3 hours when I am fucking bored out of my mind here. but i digress.
dignity is underrated.
Remember that part of The Song Remains The Same when Robert Plant is all like 'Does anybody remember Dignity?' Ok, maybe I changed it a little, but that's how I feel these days.
*Warning- this is a side rant*
So I thought to myself, no art hasn't gotten suckier lately like everbody thinks, it's just that the over-ambitious moneyed folk (are you listening boss?)have gangland-style taken control of Art as it is seen and thought of. And sadly most artists within the last 5-10 years have bent their practices toward the ideas of these people who have no idea.
*end of rant*
The way things are are the way things are fb. Meaning you have to go with your gut on your studio practice thing. People who force their practice in art end up with 'forced' looking work (and I believe this.) It's frustrating as even I, BB look for quantitative reasoning within art sometimes, but isn't it cool that art is the one thing that isn't quantitative like science or math or laundry or taxes? These days it's hard to like someone who's a 'career' artist. Unless they started their career before the most recent 10 year period, like a David Humphrey-type. Perfectly good artists like Julie Mehretu get ruined by the intense scrutiny of their 'coming out' by unqualified people with $$$ (sorry to name names, but sometimes it happens!) I just wish that I could have some sort of day job that satisfied any sense of ethics inside me... Then I could be satisfied with my 'side project' and not have to squeamishly think to myself, 'hmmm. maybe he (art-world asshole) is right. they (my paintings) should be bigger and more yellow.' The problem is we all want to paint more rather than less. All I can say fb is keep the joy and intrigue in your work any way you can. If that means that you can never be John Currin, oh well, someone has to be the non-John Currin so he can exist. Which reminds me, I should really go paint as this is my day off!
bb, i do remember that robert plant moment... i think. we have the boxed set of their concerts that came out a couple of years ago btw, if you ever want to borrow. it's excellent.
But... about your side rant. I think you have something there. And i do love the non-quantitativeness of art-making. It subscribes to no reason and that is what makes it so effing hard.
I am making no points here. ergh. get in the studio today bb.
It is really strange FB. Where i went to grad school there was a crazed work ethic brought on by competition. my reaction was to slack in a major way. I found the pressure stifling. Now on my own I work a lot but I am a slow worker.
I really don't think it matters. Plus I think it shifts over time. Sometimes we work a lot. Sometimes less. There have been times when I couldn't work at all.
yeah, it does shift over time. I guess i am just confused and sick of worrying about it - my work ethic or non-work ethic. i just do what i can and have to be ok with it i guess.
maybe this post is more telling.. maybe i need to step it up a bit. feeling guilty. fuck.
but at the same time... you know. i am in this for the long-haul. making myself a crazed worker by myself all the time... not always necessary.
stupid beige.
Painting has it's own time....is what I say. I like to go with how it feels when I'm there. There is no right and wrong. I have had days where I go to the studio and after twenty minutes, I realize it just isn't a studio day. And I walked home.
it just gets frustrating sometimes when you have time restrictions and there is this 4 hours period free - and you get there and it feels like crap. that kills me.
or i fuck around all morning and waste time and then get into the studio and it just gets going and i have to leave.
sorry. i just need to commisserate or something. support group. mental illness. anxiety.
i am going to yoga later. ignore me.
i'm with hammy, there is no right or wrong way. it's different for everyone and always shifting.
i hate that sometimes guilty feeling though, and i really hate when people ask "so are you painting?", or "are you still painting/working?". aargh, i want to smack them, even though they mean well.
That is the most hateful question I have ever been asked. Competitive people ask me that. Grad students ask each other that. Martin, next time someone asks you that you should fart on them.
i fart a lot, but i'm not sure if i can spin around quick enough.
You must keep it in a tupperware in your breast pocket. Either that or you use a tube device inserted you know where. this was a great tool for me in grad school. I created a tubular system of venhilation roping it's way from my studio into the others. There was gas and it was distributed with a pumping device. You can use my idea if you want. Start out with those sipping sunglasses except do not put the tube in your soda.
The people who ask that question gossip about who works harder. I swear to god. It is true.
Thanks for raising this question. I constantly worry that i don't work hard enough. I go to the studio for 4-5 hours most days sometimes longer but yesterday went out to get lunch (20 minutes after I got to the studio) and ended up on shopping bindge...
I can't work after it gets dark, so my work day is short in the winter. It's HARD! I build up a toterance for longer hours, like excersize, the more I work the easier it is to work. Comming back after the month of december off I can only deal with 2-3 hour streches., including naps and time waisted on the phone.
I am going to make a punishment corner in my studio, really good idea. I want a 3 legged stool to put the misbehaving paintings on... and a dunce cap.
Go with your gut is good, but if you feel guilty about not working more maybe pic a couple of days a week to work an extra hour. You might be trying to tell yourself something...
fb I rally want to see your work...
is there anything posted online or on your blog?
corny - thanks for the input... the punishment corner is good for the naughty ones where they can think about their misbehaving ways and if they really want to die.
i posted some clues as to where to see my stuff on the thread before this one. i am shy about putting my real name out there as i like to maintain an illusion of anonmynity. (i cannot spell that right not.)
i am relic shacking it today. no beige today so maybe I can actually get something done.?
also. i am saving up my farts in the tupperware. great idea. I will keep it with me at all times in my velour fannypack.
sorry for being a comment box hog, Your work is BEAUTIFUL! woah. I want. the embroidery is like sculpture and drawing, love them, and of course the painting, I dig abstraction grounded in recognizable imagery, it looks fluid and easy. Amazing how your work seems so easy and natural but you describe your practice as "so effing hard". It doesn't look that way which is brilliant.
fb, why have I not seen your blog till now? I've really been missing out. I blame myself.
I loved hearing about your studio process. Hearing other artists talk about how they do things is really interesting and helpful to me, but you in particular have been really truthful and articulate.
Of course I don't know you and so probably have no bizness saying this, but it sounds like you worry needlessly. It sounds like you're really on it, so what's the problem? But I understand that your new easier-going work attitude may give you anxiety.
I don't know what I'm saying, but I do agree with burrito brother about doing whatever to keep the love alive. I for one could learn from that.
I kept thinking as I read your post that I wished I could see your work, but afterwords felt too shy to ask, but then saw that Corny did ask and did find it. I'd like to, too, but I have no way to do that since I don't know your real name. So if you're in the mood, perhaps you'd want to send me some easier clues--? No pressure. I'm just saying. But anyway, thanks.
hey, thanks corny! the easy and natural = smoke and mirrors + drinking. i dunno. seriously, being in the studio is often like playing jenga. it was yesterday anyway.
And cap't. You are right. I am a mega worrier. ruled by worry. can't get enough. thanks for reading. i have to share my art realated mental problems once and a while with the public at large. it helps tons to geek out and talk about this stuff. i think. just to know you are not the only one with said anxieties/confusion. oh, and I posted a clue on your blog just now.
fb, thank you for the personalized clue. I was actually on that site the other day and your image jumped out at me of it's own accord. I very much like what you do with rhythm, and a certain roughness, and am intrigued to find out more about your stuff, which I can now pursue.
best to you-
I think it's easier to answer this question (am I in the studio enough?) if you zoom out to a one-year scale. Have you done an amount of work in the past year that you feel satisfied with & proud of? If so then you are getting enough studio time.
I think all artists are plagued with these thoughts - the ones who have day jobs feel extra-squeezed for time, & the ones who don't have day jobs feel guilty because they don't feel like they create enough to show for all that time. With a day job & a baby I am trying to go easier on myself. I remind myself that my hero felix gonzales-torres didn't even have a studio & considered the world his studio. This is an easier rationalization for conceptual type artists like me than it is for painters, but I think the essential point that an artist is always working & that no time is "wasted" is a good one. It's okay to have a life!!
Keep up the good work » »
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