The L train of the devil roared into the station this morning to whisk me off to beige. But alas, it did not whisk. It packed them in and trudged and said it was "overcrowded, please wait for the next train." A man eclipsed me with his form, arm over shoulder, whole body mirroring mine. He did not smell though so I was not horribly mad. But someone else did. I think it was a fog of unbrushed teeth. I believe I identified the source 6 feet away, but maybe I was imagining it. Unsure. Do you think it possible a wave of stink breath could travel 6 feet? He also could not stop talking to his friend/girlfriend the whole train ride, loudly in fact. I have a suspicion it is the meth. He fit my meth stereotype. Maybe he was just excited to go to work though. I know I can really get revved up sometimes on my way in...waiting to sit quietly in my pen and clean up html code and spill coffee on keyboard. IT fucking rules.
You know what, I am sick of weird yucky people. I am. I am sick of dirties and grime. I am sick of piles and pile residues, chicken bones, discarded drinks, broken things, shambling stuff. Crumbles, dusts, shreds, spills, the 800 hairs that fall out of my head in the morning onto the floor. I am declaring war on crumbles of all sort. I am tired of neglect, ugly outfits, weird ass pants, droopy drawers, clip clops, sitting next to someones buttocks on train, meat locker air, commmercials on tv, and the same day every day. Let us revolt. Revolt now.
58 comments:
this sounds like a call up for the people's army. I will enlist.
i raged war with the same over my lunch. i ventured to a new lunch option. it was very bad for me. but tasty.
I will enlist too. I will set up the mess-hall. But I must say I am guilty of bad dress quite often. Please exempt me!
pd, i am speaking of egregious, terrible stuff when I refer to bad outfits. you are never guilty. do you wear white bike shorts with a loose t-shirt tied in a knot at the mid section and lime green high heels with bandana on head and a seashell belt to go to work at 9 in the morning? no, i didn't think so. and honestly, the outfits are one of the lesser problems. I am spotted in strange attire, but within reason. you know.
The oil lunch i consumed (fried nuggets)is causing hurts in my upper arm. Heart is stopping up.
FB, I may have to do some reconnaissance work around cube world to see if I can come up with a list of innappropriate outfits. There is no work being done by this little indian today. I think scooting stealthily around beige, cataloguing bad taste would be a better use of my time. I go now. I will report back with atrocities.
there are many crimes against humanity being perpetrated here.
Whew! I almost bought an outfit like that this weekend....
I know what you mean. I looked up at from my book this morning to see a woman with purple leggins and a bright striped half-top with about 20 colors that showed off her gut and butt (although I did not see the latter until she left). I might add that she was young and wearing an F.I.T. ID badge.
Pile of chicken bones on subway floor.
HP, that is terrible, terrible. Funny you should mention vomit. Here at the beige I publish articles from a medical journal called "wounds" and another called "chest." I was thinking that there should be a journal called "vomit." but you wouldn't want to read it hp. But the pictures might be good.
Krix, I like your plan. Maybe I will start taking an inventory here.
I have been good about forseeing smelly cars, vomit cars etc... the other night, as the A train pulled into the station, I saw bright orange vomit on the floor in one car (before the train even stopped) so I ran to the next door. I also do a quick "homeless person scan" before boarding.
what is up with piles of chicken bones? ominpresent. another symbol of the endtimes. read like tea leaves.
some of the beigers here wear perky office outfits. it is hard to explain what this means except that it causes me to travel back in time to valley high school. "i will never be popular" 9th grade.
FB, I am sad to report that after lunch fatigue has dropped this soldier to the ground. I am now in an internment camp. I am practicing sleeping with my eyes open.
I am attempting to retry my mission.
I've got chicken in this bag for anyone who's hungry. I got artificially flavored jugs of multi-colored drink and bags of chips fried in partially hydrogenated palm kernal oil--if you need food.
Please donate money so I can buy more food.
knit pants (black) loose, tapered at ankle, grabbing into the butt-cheeks (probably not on purpose) paired with loose, rayon button top that has a therapist/hippie pattern style. birkenstocks. = mom on Family Ties but with dark hair.
subtle wrongs piled together to form a mother earth-ish vibe. i would not normally notice this but today it stuck out when i went to fetch my coffee.
i will take your chicken and move to the next car pretending to be you. i will take the monies and buy some horse.
i would like to wear jerri blank's wardrobe for a full month here to the beige.
really? the stirrup pants? that is a special sighting.
I am proud to announce the king and queen of the cubeworld prom.
Queen's attire: brown velour drawstring pants, brown ribbed wife beater style tank with sparkly studded writing that says HUSTLE. Gold flip flops.
King's attire: Baggy jeans with low hanging crotch to knee-bones. Long short sleeved checked button down shirt with white t-shirt underneath. Baseball cap.
How about the sequined berks. that are in abundance now?? UGH!
Once upon a time I owned a pair of berks. I retired them in favor of taste.
But why sequins on "earth" shoes??
krix, the king and queen sound very jersey.
i am entering a decline here. strength diminshing, mind generic. waiting for time to pass.....
oh tuber. you never cease to amaze. what color are the stirrups?
pd, yes, i know the sequin earth shoe. I have seen but I cannot explain. I am sure arthur's mother is wearing a pair right now. (i am getting in trouble now)
where is mm today?
I am guessing MM is in the woods with the little Fritz and her boyfriend, I think.
I can't handle the extra-low rise jeans with butt-cheeks and company thong showing.
PD, that is the official uniform of Jersey cubeworld. Our Company is unofficially known as "In Da Club."
Go shorty. It's your birthday.
I think that fashion craze has been around way too long!
the visible thong is heinous. i have some shorts that play a low-rise game. i did not realize when i bought them from forever 35 because i did not sit in them. sitting in public is a game of camouflage when i wear. mostly it is just in the hood and relic shack. not for the beige.
Yes, it is the public display of cheeks that offends.
I wear reg. low rise, but the submarine level is too frightening.
i am wearing something i think i need to throw out. I thought it might be ok, this is the second try, but when i saw myself in the mirror it was bad. It looks too much like a maternity top. I feel gross. it is going. some things are not for me.
i harbor hates for the sub-low-rise + crop top. The inbetween areas are always eyesores. even on a 15 year old.
tuber is completely insane. is she a 75 year old woman? shingles?
gar! please tell tuber to keep it to herself. blech!
I just saw in New York Mag. that the exposed butts fad is fading.
Tuber needs a slicing!
There have been a lot of below-the-butt tops on the market lately, sort of Ren-fair or pregnant hippie garb. Concealing, but not a flattering style on Sloth.
sloth, i am putting my pregnant top away forever. perhaps some day it will have a legitimate use, but currently it just makes me feel disgusting.
what is the deal with these tops?? I swear i have seen them look normal in the wilds, but on me it is badness.
The pregnant top is a sure fire NO-GO! I tried one on in H&M and then realized I could just as easily be shopping at Pea in the Pod.
I already look pregnant--why wear a top that accentuates the look?
I am getting tired of the pregnant women who show off there naked, bulging, bellies. I know that is so un-PC of me...but I'm over it already.
pd, yes. it could be they are hot and tired and don't give a shit, which i can understand. so the shirt rides up. whatever. or, these are the same people that wear the low-low rise and half shirts before pregnant so have to keep exposing themselves.
i saw a picture of pregnant britney spears in a trashy magazine the other day that was so disturbing. I feel like these magazines are fixated on the pregnant hollywood moms. it is SO INCREDIBLE that movies stars can have children too!
Yeah, I guess I am not thinking of the over-heating factor. I thought it was more of a statement, but I can see the obvious advantages.
Oh, FB! Unless I skimmed over it in your list of complaints at the end of this post, you forgot the rotting cat carcass!
I have to say, it was fascinating how quicky a cat in a cardboard box against a brick wall can decompose. I believe the rains and the heavy hot weather did help in the speed decomposition. seeing it today, it's just a pile of bones, with a sickening slick munge of hair and 'wetness' that leaked out the bottom. Gaaaaaack!
i did not notice. maybe the rats ate its remains?
NO! to all left-out carcasses. you are correct, arthur. I should add this to the list. have you signed on as contributor yet??
one of the pluses of living in bushwick!
besides the earthworks and piles and ho sightings.
Dead cats and dogs are the most depressing thing. Sadness descends.
FB, do you have a place in nature that you can escape to? Or at least put a sprinkler in your back yard.
FB your backyard sounds like an oasis.
PD, you are too kind. It will become an oasis in time...little by little. I want to create a concrete pathway with molds this weekend in one of the many weed patches. i have to convince arthur.
lol!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8205374735&category=83898&rd=1#ebayphotohosting
Hey Arthur, that is the perfect fairy mold!
i have encountered worst but i draw the line on droopy drawers and clip clops. A revolution is required.
That's a great story. Waiting for more. »
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