Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Gang Rape of the Dogs

There is mewling and whining next door, humping and licking. It is a terrible sight and I seem to view it every time I step out of doors. They stick together, the one with the barbs to the other, falling down again and again. This cannot be right. There is a new rider in town, the angry, domineering dog from the Indian people's house. It is squirreling in through and empty lot, through several beaten down chain link fences. It wants to use its barb and stick inside too. There are showdowns. Arthur reports gang rape of the lady dog. He is terribly alarmed. I used to like these neighbor dogs but now I am reconsidering. At 1:15 AM last night I dreamed of shouting "What the fuck!" I waited for the owners to wake up and witness the gang rapes, but no. Satisfied, the doggies took a break and got quiet just in time. I may not be afraid to use the shovel.

15 comments:

fairy butler said...

I have a call in to finally install the privacy fence. The neighbor worlds are no longer tolerable. Rats and dog gang rapes.

Arthur said...

To be fair, 'gang rape' is incorrect. But breaking and entering and attempted assault on the cowering neighbor girldog while boydog barks and cowers as well is definitely happening.

I hate the dog from the Indian house. He is big, sullen, confident and pitbullish. He needs a few rocks to the head until he stays out of the other doggies space.

PD said...

This town is such a rat rape. Er, I mean rat race. I think an electric fence is in order, with motorized deli-slicers that emerge when the dogs get excited. I am not for harming doggies, but I think the hum of the slicers will kill the mood, and all will be quiet again.

fairy butler said...

So no bull rapes took place? only threats?

fairy butler said...

I bet rat rapes are abundant out there too. They do deserve the deli-slicer.

PD said...

Rat rapes are happening all over NYC. That is why there are so many of the dirty F**@#! around. I must invent the portable slicer to carry in the subways and down dark alleys. Oh, and of course in the relic shack.

Birthday Party said...

Rats in paradise...

mountain man said...

Rats are for pie.

fairy butler said...

How about a taxidermied rat fanny pack?

krixfort said...

well, you were looking for a new idea.

dog days -- perhaps a fire hose might cool the buggers off.

fairy butler said...

yes, i can offer to create fanny packs out of dead, beloved pets. that way you can always have them near you even after they have departed from this earth.

krixfort said...

hahaha FB, my father's mother thought her little dog Poco (short for annoying poodle with goopy eyes) was reincarnated into a little bird that would come to her deck each morning and hop around.

krixfort said...

if you would have had your idea then you could have saved her a lot of time spent contemplating the reincarnation of Poco.

I think that will be the title of my first collection of short stories.

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