lazies

I have been incredibly lazy as of late. Cannot work up the spirit to do anything or care. This happens sometimes, right? It will pass. Mostly I could care less about art. I don't know what happened. anyone? anyone?

up all night

yo. it's 5:12am. once again i am plagued by the non-sleeps. how are you? here are some theories for future living:

1. calm down
2. don't freak out in the shack, ie don't have a spaz constantly because you don't remember how to make paintings or even know what you want to f'ing make. just continue. see #1.
3. smarten up at beige. i have been unfocused, which happens. mostly i am more interested in talking to people there than working on improving my skills and really, uh, i don't know, getting serious about my work. i don't know. i need to step back a little and self protect. don't want to get in too deep in any direction. i need to disentangle a little bit me thinks. this is quite possible.
4. get rebellious streak out of system. i think it may be over today - at least for now. cannot explain why.
5. try to not have insomnia.

nar

super awesome fucked up shit yeah ok right sure what? ok so yeah huh? ok.

i have been so super excited to watch the oscars. i love the pretty movie stars they work so hard and it is so cool when they accept their awards. i cry.

demons are at work. can you tell? they are telling me the new relic may be a disaster and this is crampy. i worry. i am finishing the wine. it will tell me what to do.

(ps. I am officially off the wagon for a bit and have returned to the previous incarnation of the fb. PRO FUN. I don't know how i did it for so long even though sometimes it was kind of fake. I prefer the booze although I have been fuzzy brained all day today which is new. I forgot about that. However I am in a much better mood. Less grim times.)

I am going to try to write on here again. And not suck ass posts like this maybe even.

cursed

CURSED. This is how it appears to me. Death sickness with stabbing pain of the ear lobe - true. Jury Duty while sick. Constant freezing-ness and shiverings. Cannot get warm. Theory. The sickness was coming on but i did not feel too shitty so I went to my normal acupuncture app't. I have this feeling that at that time it opened up the channels for the sickness to delve deeper and harder. I have been dog sick with crazy temps. Could this be?

Jury duty case is a pack of retardation.

xavier: renegade angel

this show is fucking brilliant. for the love of jesus you show tivo it - adult swim.



i must also share this.

rat army asleep

There are punishments to be meted out. Canings and water-boardings. The rat army has been negligent in protecting my domicile. How long have they been sleeping on the job? Gambling and carousing, skateboarding, reading poetry, reading Us Magazine. Last evening Arthur carefully removed the legs from our old 50's style formica-topped dining room table. We placed the pieces lovingly outside, leaning them against our gate so that some person(s) or creature(I'm not species-ist) could perhaps take them into their home. for free. I returned from the studio last evening to find that the aluminum around the table top had been stripped off. The rat army did not protect! some shithead took the metal to sell for the cracks leaving a completely unusable table top. Sigh. Then some other shithead(s) came and left their black scratchy signatures upon our gate posts. What the f is going on?! Rat army - have you forgotten me?

jazzed

arthur and i are home now. i am ready to get jazzed up about painting and not feel the crippling concrete blocks. we have a new tree outside. this is all i can offer now. me=boring. plus i am trying the optimism thing again.

questions

Ok, so this morning's train ride featured the nasty make-out couple. I can forgive ONE lingering kiss or a couple of pecks but this morning featured a, gosh, I dunno, maybe 15 minute makeout session interspersed with dialogue such as "you're not just okay, you're fabulous" slurp, smack, heads titling. Going for the molar. Jesus. How do people think that is ok at 8:45 in the morning on a crowded train? Literally, the whole ride in. YUCK. YUCK. I can understand this taking place at night, at a bar, in the dark, with intoxicants, but on a brightly lit morning rush hour subway? Then on the other side of me is a dude listening to headphones and he is lucky because he was spared the slurpsmack but his headphones were loud and he was listening to (I think) Dire Straits. Jesus does not love me today.

i never post anymore

its rough stuff out there these days. so i went to the shack today and it didn't suck. i finished this relic.


phone camera not so good but it was one of those days where things feel okay-ish. like there is a point afterall and it's not all horrible. it is important to hang onto the optimism/fleeting hopefulness, right? i dunno. my work has been traveling in outer space. the outer realms. I worry it is turning into awful work, but i am so confused by all manner of taste and quality at this point that I mostly don't care. do other people worry about this? that they are making awful work too? like work that is bad illustration art bordering on starbucks dancing figures on coffe cups or hatch-mark fake prints/stamps/pier 1 imports coasters? i am ok with psychedelic poster art though. hence, the problem.

i have a theory on a new black embroidery thing and i cut out the fabric to think about it real-size. I am super into how the new relic looks with the black fabric next door. the black on is going to have a lot of these diamonds. it will be altar-like. etc.

phooey

i am up before 7. beige is still killing me. swallowed by darkness.

pathology

inside mutation

who feels krazee today? i am ready to unpack my bats and start slamming desks here - no reason really - in fact i have been effectively taken off the huge boulder project and moved onto thin air, or, mysterious other projects that are never given to me. mysteries of the deep. you would think I would like this opportunity to chill out and take it easy but now i have to cut and paste the lists all day and double check things - stuff like that. hence mutation. soon i will excrete the 15-sided die of plenty. as I sit here incubating it, i wonder what wisdoms and koans it will impart. lottery, life-coach phone numbers, tokens from my past?

I am somewhere in between this:


and this:


the spirit of humanity is thin as bubble, the air is weak, hot-tea weak, interest is fading.

The Lowdown

I am tired. Are you tired too? Do you wake up with the sun for no reason like me?
I feel like I should do a week recap but eh, it's probably boring. I dunno. Mostly my recap would feature phrases such as:
"I'm tired" "I am working too much and never get to the shack" "did you move the car?" "hi baby peanut" "what's for dinner"

Seriously, the beige has a gigantic project in the works and I have agreed, a little begrudgingly, to be there way extra thru October. The keymaster of our department is leaving and I do not know who will replace. Me not so smartz to replace - no way. It's a little intense, but I do kind of like the work and I am learning stuff so I will put up with it. Crazy, right?

I sold some relics out of the blue. Uh, what else... I quit caffeine. A headache for about a week, not horrible, but surprising and i am also on a no-booze/little-booze routine. AND trying for less candy. It's getting easier. Not such a big deal - but still I cannot get to the contortion chamber enough. Beige. Beige. What did I do to myself?

I feel really distant from my relics in a way although today and this weekend I will spend some quality time I guess. It doesn't feel that tragic though. It is ok. Also weird.

Do not get the feeling that I am all zenned out. Not true. Still hyper and mentally spazzed. I am visiting an accupuncturist the Saturday for the first time ever to try and help with the calming and such. I want to feel like a puddle or a cupcake.

Arthur's Birthday Daemon

Arthur!!! After you left this morning there was a soft rapping at the window. It was the Emporer Marmoset Daemon come looking for you on your babysuit day. He had a fistfull of lottery tickets and a bottle of franjelico just for you. When you feel a light tickling on your chin you will know the emporer daemon is there. He wil be invisible to all but you.

Arthur is the best. Arthur deserves a herd of marmosets today, some golden, some bearded, some wearing silver unisuits, some with ponies.

Happy Birthday Arthur!!!!

jazzbots

that means poopy drawers. i think i have entered a forcefield of time eating. everthing is slipping away while my back forms more of a hunch. i can't sleep because of my strange problem-solving obsessions (beige). arthur and i continue to finish the last mini-keg with relish although hotdogs and burgers = vomitosis.

there are a hundred horse-trailer/van/dirtbag trucks now parking on my street. everywhere i turn it is all full with 800 ft vehicles and nowhere for my peaceful, elderly, but gas-concious vehicle. so i get up at 7am to move it. good stuff.

this is embarrassing but i am having the 'everything is pointless' feelings 1 second to every 60. it's true though, right?

sorry. neon rainbow windbreaker keychains to you all.

charming tisssues

is there enough room for a coconut? a compass? a pair of ballet shoes? 15 good and plenty candies?

Yes. Certainly.There is enough room.

steepness

there is too much banana juice on the concrete and the handlebars are rickety. my shoelaces are loose and the peanut oil smells a teensy bit rancid. i put on my gripper gloves, i gritted my teeth. i had a dry mouth. the aliens with their pixel rulers are sent away with cruel words and the blink of arthurs abc keychain flashlight. step away from me. i will burn you and burn out. holy fuck.

put me in the open woven fishmongers net please. i don't know what happened to my life. I forget everything. barely afloat.

yuck

I just got a make-your-own salad at my usual place. they think they are doing me a favor by giving me extra helpings of the ingredients I choose. I am eating a bowl of nasty feta cheese with litle bits of bleu that somehow got mixed in. Mostly it is feta/bleu cheese, 800 pieces of hearts of palms, some in huge chucks where the knife did not actually slice through them all, 700 bits of asparagus and 300 pieces of roasted peppers - some that taste slightly off. spinach is the ingredient in short supply.

i just took another bite - UGH. a mouthful of roasted peppers. wtf.

bigger tards

tard