Phantastic

lazies

2008-03-17T11:00:00.002-04:00

I have been incredibly lazy as of late. Cannot work up the spirit to do anything or care. This happens sometimes, right? It will pass. Mostly I could care less about art. I don't know what happened. anyone? anyone?

up all night

2008-03-01T05:15:00.002-05:00

yo. it's 5:12am. once again i am plagued by the non-sleeps. how are you? here are some theories for future living:

1. calm down
2. don't freak out in the shack, ie don't have a spaz constantly because you don't remember how to make paintings or even know what you want to f'ing make. just continue. see #1.
3. smarten up at beige. i have been unfocused, which happens. mostly i am more interested in talking to people there than working on improving my skills and really, uh, i don't know, getting serious about my work. i don't know. i need to step back a little and self protect. don't want to get in too deep in any direction. i need to disentangle a little bit me thinks. this is quite possible.
4. get rebellious streak out of system. i think it may be over today - at least for now. cannot explain why.
5. try to not have insomnia.

nar

2008-02-24T21:24:00.004-05:00

super awesome fucked up shit yeah ok right sure what? ok so yeah huh? ok.

i have been so super excited to watch the oscars. i love the pretty movie stars they work so hard and it is so cool when they accept their awards. i cry.

demons are at work. can you tell? they are telling me the new relic may be a disaster and this is crampy. i worry. i am finishing the wine. it will tell me what to do.

(ps. I am officially off the wagon for a bit and have returned to the previous incarnation of the fb. PRO FUN. I don't know how i did it for so long even though sometimes it was kind of fake. I prefer the booze although I have been fuzzy brained all day today which is new. I forgot about that. However I am in a much better mood. Less grim times.)

I am going to try to write on here again. And not suck ass posts like this maybe even.

cursed

2008-01-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

CURSED. This is how it appears to me. Death sickness with stabbing pain of the ear lobe - true. Jury Duty while sick. Constant freezing-ness and shiverings. Cannot get warm. Theory. The sickness was coming on but i did not feel too shitty so I went to my normal acupuncture app't. I have this feeling that at that time it opened up the channels for the sickness to delve deeper and harder. I have been dog sick with crazy temps. Could this be?

Jury duty case is a pack of retardation.

xavier: renegade angel

2008-01-15T21:41:00.000-05:00

this show is fucking brilliant. for the love of jesus you show tivo it - adult swim.

i must also share this.

rat army asleep

2008-01-07T14:50:00.000-05:00

There are punishments to be meted out. Canings and water-boardings. The rat army has been negligent in protecting my domicile. How long have they been sleeping on the job? Gambling and carousing, skateboarding, reading poetry, reading Us Magazine. Last evening Arthur carefully removed the legs from our old 50's style formica-topped dining room table. We placed the pieces lovingly outside, leaning them against our gate so that some person(s) or creature(I'm not species-ist) could perhaps take them into their home. for free. I returned from the studio last evening to find that the aluminum around the table top had been stripped off. The rat army did not protect! some shithead took the metal to sell for the cracks leaving a completely unusable table top. Sigh. Then some other shithead(s) came and left their black scratchy signatures upon our gate posts. What the f is going on?! Rat army - have you forgotten me?

jazzed

2007-12-29T14:47:00.000-05:00

arthur and i are home now. i am ready to get jazzed up about painting and not feel the crippling concrete blocks. we have a new tree outside. this is all i can offer now. me=boring. plus i am trying the optimism thing again.

questions

2007-11-19T09:36:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this morning's train ride featured the nasty make-out couple. I can forgive ONE lingering kiss or a couple of pecks but this morning featured a, gosh, I dunno, maybe 15 minute makeout session interspersed with dialogue such as "you're not just okay, you're fabulous" slurp, smack, heads titling. Going for the molar. Jesus. How do people think that is ok at 8:45 in the morning on a crowded train? Literally, the whole ride in. YUCK. YUCK. I can understand this taking place at night, at a bar, in the dark, with intoxicants, but on a brightly lit morning rush hour subway? Then on the other side of me is a dude listening to headphones and he is lucky because he was spared the slurpsmack but his headphones were loud and he was listening to (I think) Dire Straits. Jesus does not love me today.

i never post anymore

2007-11-04T22:54:00.000-05:00

its rough stuff out there these days. so i went to the shack today and it didn't suck. i finished this relic.

phone camera not so good but it was one of those days where things feel okay-ish. like there is a point afterall and it's not all horrible. it is important to hang onto the optimism/fleeting hopefulness, right? i dunno. my work has been traveling in outer space. the outer realms. I worry it is turning into awful work, but i am so confused by all manner of taste and quality at this point that I mostly don't care. do other people worry about this? that they are making awful work too? like work that is bad illustration art bordering on starbucks dancing figures on coffe cups or hatch-mark fake prints/stamps/pier 1 imports coasters? i am ok with psychedelic poster art though. hence, the problem.

i have a theory on a new black embroidery thing and i cut out the fabric to think about it real-size. I am super into how the new relic looks with the black fabric next door. the black on is going to have a lot of these diamonds. it will be altar-like. etc.

phooey

2007-10-24T06:57:00.000-04:00

i am up before 7. beige is still killing me. swallowed by darkness.

pathology

2007-10-07T23:05:00.000-04:00

inside mutation

2007-10-03T12:35:00.000-04:00

who feels krazee today? i am ready to unpack my bats and start slamming desks here - no reason really - in fact i have been effectively taken off the huge boulder project and moved onto thin air, or, mysterious other projects that are never given to me. mysteries of the deep. you would think I would like this opportunity to chill out and take it easy but now i have to cut and paste the lists all day and double check things - stuff like that. hence mutation. soon i will excrete the 15-sided die of plenty. as I sit here incubating it, i wonder what wisdoms and koans it will impart. lottery, life-coach phone numbers, tokens from my past?

I am somewhere in between this:

and this:

the spirit of humanity is thin as bubble, the air is weak, hot-tea weak, interest is fading.

The Lowdown

2007-09-28T07:22:00.000-04:00

I am tired. Are you tired too? Do you wake up with the sun for no reason like me?
I feel like I should do a week recap but eh, it's probably boring. I dunno. Mostly my recap would feature phrases such as:
"I'm tired" "I am working too much and never get to the shack" "did you move the car?" "hi baby peanut" "what's for dinner"

Seriously, the beige has a gigantic project in the works and I have agreed, a little begrudgingly, to be there way extra thru October. The keymaster of our department is leaving and I do not know who will replace. Me not so smartz to replace - no way. It's a little intense, but I do kind of like the work and I am learning stuff so I will put up with it. Crazy, right?

I sold some relics out of the blue. Uh, what else... I quit caffeine. A headache for about a week, not horrible, but surprising and i am also on a no-booze/little-booze routine. AND trying for less candy. It's getting easier. Not such a big deal - but still I cannot get to the contortion chamber enough. Beige. Beige. What did I do to myself?

I feel really distant from my relics in a way although today and this weekend I will spend some quality time I guess. It doesn't feel that tragic though. It is ok. Also weird.

Do not get the feeling that I am all zenned out. Not true. Still hyper and mentally spazzed. I am visiting an accupuncturist the Saturday for the first time ever to try and help with the calming and such. I want to feel like a puddle or a cupcake.

Arthur's Birthday Daemon

2007-09-14T10:10:00.001-04:00

Arthur!!! After you left this morning there was a soft rapping at the window. It was the Emporer Marmoset Daemon come looking for you on your babysuit day. He had a fistfull of lottery tickets and a bottle of franjelico just for you. When you feel a light tickling on your chin you will know the emporer daemon is there. He wil be invisible to all but you.

Arthur is the best. Arthur deserves a herd of marmosets today, some golden, some bearded, some wearing silver unisuits, some with ponies.

Happy Birthday Arthur!!!!

jazzbots

2007-09-11T22:36:00.001-04:00

that means poopy drawers. i think i have entered a forcefield of time eating. everthing is slipping away while my back forms more of a hunch. i can't sleep because of my strange problem-solving obsessions (beige). arthur and i continue to finish the last mini-keg with relish although hotdogs and burgers = vomitosis.

there are a hundred horse-trailer/van/dirtbag trucks now parking on my street. everywhere i turn it is all full with 800 ft vehicles and nowhere for my peaceful, elderly, but gas-concious vehicle. so i get up at 7am to move it. good stuff.

this is embarrassing but i am having the 'everything is pointless' feelings 1 second to every 60. it's true though, right?

sorry. neon rainbow windbreaker keychains to you all.

charming tisssues

2007-09-03T22:08:00.000-04:00

is there enough room for a coconut? a compass? a pair of ballet shoes? 15 good and plenty candies?

Yes. Certainly.There is enough room.

steepness

2007-08-29T22:43:00.001-04:00

there is too much banana juice on the concrete and the handlebars are rickety. my shoelaces are loose and the peanut oil smells a teensy bit rancid. i put on my gripper gloves, i gritted my teeth. i had a dry mouth. the aliens with their pixel rulers are sent away with cruel words and the blink of arthurs abc keychain flashlight. step away from me. i will burn you and burn out. holy fuck.

put me in the open woven fishmongers net please. i don't know what happened to my life. I forget everything. barely afloat.

yuck

2007-08-22T13:36:00.000-04:00

I just got a make-your-own salad at my usual place. they think they are doing me a favor by giving me extra helpings of the ingredients I choose. I am eating a bowl of nasty feta cheese with litle bits of bleu that somehow got mixed in. Mostly it is feta/bleu cheese, 800 pieces of hearts of palms, some in huge chucks where the knife did not actually slice through them all, 700 bits of asparagus and 300 pieces of roasted peppers - some that taste slightly off. spinach is the ingredient in short supply.

i just took another bite - UGH. a mouthful of roasted peppers. wtf.

bigger tards

2007-08-12T22:46:00.001-04:00

tard

2007-08-12T22:38:00.001-04:00

Tiger Swallowtail in Bushwick

2007-08-12T22:29:00.000-04:00

Reality

2007-08-10T08:58:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I was just reading that Richard Tuttle interview on Artinfo via Ed's blog. What a load of shit. That interview itself is a whole load of 'appearances' - talk about nothing that vaguely appears to be about something. His meaning is completely unclear, muddled, egotistical. The thing is I can sort of guess what he means to say - that art is more'real' when it is direct, less-mediated and can communicate in a way that takes the viewer to a state of elevated experience - truth is involved. but all these words and descriptions end up sounding not only pretentious but sort of bogus too. UGH. i have been trying to unravel what this real and not-real stuff is and honestly you could flip the definitions. Real is getting the coffee made in the morning and picking up your dirty clothes, unreal is sewing 100 tiny red beads into the giant flower on a hot air balloon. Who is to judge other people's experiences of the world? How is one thing more truthful or real than the other? And in the end I tend to side with the idea that our lifetimes here on this world, while important, are illusion. We create our own reality every single moment by way of senses and thoughts. It is our responsibility to meditate our own experience the best we can - take responsibility for it - perhaps artists just want to share their personal realities (the good parts). OK. I am talking in circles a bit but that article pissed me off. If RT is really serious about reality he should look into the study of consciousness because it's a little more complex than "i feel like i am getting at the truth" bs.

Sigh.

Arthur and I met up with EP to see the Hold Steady last night at the Prospect Park Bandshell. I was thinking about this reality bs stuff while I watched the show - which was so great. I love that band. It made me think that just sharing what it is you love is enough. Doing the best you can is all you can do. Oh, I am being so weird this morning. Anyway, the night got weirder. We left and took the train(s) home rather than pay 20$ for a cab that we probably wouldn't be able to find.I was wth Arthur, no biggie. We got off the J at Myrtle, a route I take all the time (albeit not so late) and a bunch of punkass cunts (4 16 yr old boys) totally followed us home. They circled on bikes, then disappeared, then came back. I started to notice it when we were on a desolate stretch. Strangely I wasn't afraid, just kind of confused, partially aware. So as we get closer to our house we could feel them closing in. We opened the gate to the house and one guy is just standing there right at the gate. I turned and said "what do you fucking want?" - and arthur, more loudly, "Easy there, guy, easy" the kid says "what did you say to me? - but in a somewhat meek voice to which arthur repeats the easy there. Then we unlock the door and go inside, slamming door. That was it. They took off. BIZARRE. Are they just getting the nerve up to actually rob someone? It wasn't that scary - just odd. I am chalking it up to kids being bored and having bad role models. They didn't really do anything, but it sucks to think about that happening again and me being on my own. I was mostly worried that they would come back and mess with my flower boxes (they are ok this morning though). Last note - arthur went out to move the car after the punk ass 50cent gang intimidation thingy and had to drive around a bit to find a spot. While in the car at a light some other kids asked for a smoke but arthur repeated the story in a way that he read the way they asked him, etc, was completely polite and normal and he said the flipside of the other. So not to get all hating.

Oh, reality. Special times.

camp runamok

2007-07-27T17:59:00.000-04:00

arthur, the picture taker, got sick so these get seriously cut short. click through.

Robbery

2007-07-24T11:24:00.000-04:00

Some c-bah stole one of our impatient plants out of the front window boxes last night. Good one c-bah!! You are showing me how much of a tough teenage gangster you are. RENEGADE. Keepin' it real, man. Fuck yeah. If you keep it up maybe i will install the invisible razor wire within my over-flowing plants and then you will have a special treat!

On my walk to the train to come to beige this morning I thought I'd check in on the piles and my hobo peeps. There they were in their usual spots. Usually some old dude will eyeball me weirdly as I walk by while I think to myself, "Yes, see, I have a job. Where I make money, see." Today's pile crop was somewhat sparse. One hideous broken dining room chair, some stacked cardboard. NO poo. Not too bad. I have not seen Xmas decorations or shredded, faded puerto rican flags hanging around in ages either. Perhaps I am just not seeing them any longer? I did notice that the building where 100 children and 24 adults (none older than me) live has wised up and bought some extra garbage cans. They are a juice-drinking machine at that house. They are working to become paid diabetes patients for experimental drugs. They also have rats in their front area sometimes and a veritable parking lot of shopping carts and mobile vending carts.

I was asked to work full-time hours this week. So far I have done 2.5 hours of work yesterday and today. I am glad I am here to man the decks and cover the intense amount of important work that takes place here. What would happen if I weren't here? Crises!! Crises, right?

In other news the relic I thought I ruined may be okay. You can all exhale now. I know! Often I have this thing happen where a relic gets finished and then I'm pretty much like eh. I don't know. Elements of it are good, surprising, whatever, but somehow i am not 100% sure. I hate this when this happens. Not bad enough to throw out, too deadening-making to continue to work on. So the cat that dreams of being a horse in outer-space while trapped in a pile of rubble/stones will remain as is.

I am trying to figure out if my whole art perspective actually kind of sucks. I am trying to remember what real art is or something. Sometimes I fear that I have abandoned many of the markers of good art like formal decisions, drawing well, 'gravity.' I am planning to figure something out in this end. yes.

fruition

2007-07-19T23:04:00.000-04:00

today it is official. my scheme to find a good part time beige has paid off. i am signing the papers next week. 3 days a week for the forseeable future. i kind of can't believe it all worked out. now i can return to the relics a little bit. i can return to humanity as well.

Finally!

2007-07-13T10:29:00.000-04:00

Congrats to Sarah Peters on her awesome NYTimes review today!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/13/arts/design/13gall.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=arts

art fashion

2007-07-04T10:41:00.000-04:00

they have been shooting off mini fireworks constantly. i woke up at 5:00 AM because of an especiallly large batch. good stuff. anyway, this post has nothing to do with independence day. instead I wanted to talk fashion a little. The Times photo slideshow on the behind the scenes in Paris is making me want to make clothes again. Beautiful pics. Looking at them it reminds me of how much i love working with my hands and materials, fastening, fixing, combining. How pattern pieces fall together, how fabric drapes. I am gushing about it. I think I have been trying to figure out a way for my relics to be more like fashion. I don't want to be on either side but somewhere in the middle. i just like things.

nytimes

2007-06-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

i am waiting for a review of hampaw's show. what is going on at the times? they write a measly number of reviews, half of which seem completely random and I don't even read. it seems with the increase in the number of wizard's dens and the increase in the number of relic-showings that the times could step it up a little, right? the times art review editorial process is completely mystifying. if i started taking those pillz corny posted about that let you stay up for days with no ill effects then i could start my own relic review paper or something. i mean, really, the times is sucking it.

critters

2007-06-28T11:27:00.000-04:00

arthur's pappy sent me some images from south dakota. i share. aren't those big horn sheep babies puke-in-your-own-mouth cute?

gremlins

2007-06-19T00:47:00.000-04:00

there are good things and then there are not so good things. the sky was really awesome tonigh with the quarter moon, venus and jupiter plus one other tiny star. even from our city backyard the 4-star lineup was visible. this picture that arthur took doesn't do it justice. the astilbe are out and blooming in full force. they smell like sweettarts. true.

then there are the gremlins. arthur and i opened all the mail that had accumulated while we were away last night. in the stack was a money order for $500. money i have been owed for a long while now. somehow it has dissappeared. seriously gone. i think it got thrown out somehow... and honestly i can't even think about it any more cause it's making me crazed. gremlins.

if you click on the images they get way bigger and better. just saying. now i am off to the sleep chamber to get ready for another exciting day of pooping my pants on the hour every hour.

my one true love

2007-06-12T22:44:00.001-04:00

it seems that I choose gardening over studio, over cleaning, over thinking about anything. this is the way for me. i will talk about the tiny tomatoes at length. I will sweep and pull weeds and stare at the moon.

i have to go to south dakota on thursday. i am going to miss the premier of hampaw. it is killing me.

The Dalmations

2007-06-07T13:46:00.001-04:00

Here is my first ever short story besides a book I wrote in 6th grade about a mysterious cave - sadly I do not have a copy of the cave story to publish here. This is what all the down time at beige has lead me to. I am sure that this story could use sprucing and development - and I don't like explaining too much so it jumps around. Writing is hard.

The bitch out back is going to be a problem. For twenty years Arnie had carefully managed to avoid any prolonged relationship with girlfriends, family, or children. He's avoided calling his mother. He's avoided driving anywhere within a five mile radius of his childhood home. You know, family stuff was just not for him. Still somehow he's got another pregnancy on his hands. More babies out back. The dalmations. The fucking dalmations. More puppies will cut into the beer money. How is it that they get pregnant so damned fast anyway? Christ. Now, once again, he is the bad guy. Somehow he and Ben can just never get around to taking care of this stuff. Well, Ben has some kind of minor complex about fixing the pets – cutting into their guts and all that. It's like a big commitment or something, and there's the cost too. Money. God, this is really not going to look good. Again he'll have the hassle of giving away the pups and Ben will want to keep one or two like always. This dog thing is getting out of hand.

Read the whole thing: The Dalmations

interview mega-challenge

2007-05-31T10:28:00.000-04:00

via hell's half acre i will compete, today, the 31st of may, in the interview challenge. if you would like to join me in this quest i will post the rules and regulations at the end of this thought-provoking quest into my inner mind that miss krixie has posed below. i am strapping on my kneecaps and shinpads. I am ready to do this thing, as they say.

1.) Where has your butler disappeared to and how are you dealing with not having someone to bring you your cafe?

My butler has been going through some tough times with the crack and the hos and hase thus spent much of his time in the basement of the rat army headquarters down the street. However, every morning he is ever so faithful in bringing me the cafe brewed with the sweet, morning dew that he collects off the tender, young branches of saplings and stamens. Do not doubt it. Can you not feel his presence every time you open the pages of this blog? Open the pores on your typing hands and let him in. Feel.

2.) How did you come up with the name Phantastic? Do you like the words Phat, Phunky, or Phresh?

Phantastic was the name of the first unicorn I dug out of an acorn shell. Yes, I enjoy the language of the people, the language of jeans, the "f" sound. I like to image the ph's as my offering of love to my readers.

3.) We all choose how much to reveal about ourselves on our blogs through our different blog personas. What percentage of your blog persona do you feel represents you?

I do enjoy the fried chicken nuggets, the lavender sweats and hanging bellies, the cumberbunds, the joyful music of a marching band. This blog is more me than my rational beige persona in many ways.

4.) Describe the effect, if any, of blogging/blogs on your relic making.

not so much on the actual doings. the relic-blog world is completely great for chatting and potion-recipes, learnings and feeding of the mind's eye. here we can also expose the bad wizards, report on chelsea forest. the ether fortifies.

5.) Suppose you could span time and distance. Which band would you be a groupie for and why?

i can imagine myself as a mystical-being/potion-brewer for the beatles circa 1965-67. i would like to ride in john lennon's white rolls royce and hang out with the rolling stones in london. we would wear capes and velvet. i would grow a mustache and would be known as the fairy-beatle.

IF YOU are up for the competition, the challenge of answering the questions I will choose follow these instructions. If you are not then I will accept my victory.

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions, so make sure I have your email address. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Blart Spain

2007-05-30T11:39:00.001-04:00

Velasquez, Prince Balthasar Carlos

I LOVE this painting - all these horse-riding portraits are wonderful. Many of them at the Prado. The Prado is the shit, seriously. I also happened to get to see a Tintoretto special exhibit while there that had been extended.

Goya, The Collassus

I have a new appreciation for Goya, a remarkable, varied artist. He could really tune up or down the "finished" aspect of his work. His touch is so direct and beautiful - there is a softness to the edges of forms that is incredibly beautiful- the gracefulness of hands.

Tiepolo, part of a fresco from the Royal Palace in Madrid

I didn't realize this was at the palace. Holy shit. The palace interiors are so completely over the top. Brocade, 3-dimensional brocade and plasterwork. Whole walls covered over with pattern and color and intricacy. Very good for the FB. FB like.

Picasso, Minotauromachia (couldn't find the exact image that I saw but this is close)

Seeing Guernica and all the "preparatory" sketches. I love Picasso's etchings and line drawings. Also saw a cycle of paintings based on Las Meninas all in one room. These are some of the greatest Picassos I've ever seen. Sort of a post-cubist approach. In these paintings it felt like he was able to bring together many of his painting abilities into a suspended, groovy flow. I have a new appreciation for Picasso again. The color and sort of ugliness combined with the formal dynamism - there are odd decisions that feel right. I found myself thinking of his discovery of cubism as really just an excuse for him to move into a more abstract language and be taken seriously/validated.

Miro (can't remember title now - from the 60's)

The Fundacion Miro in Barcelona is the best. His work is so free and open. The museum made me so happy, simply happy. There is a group of his paintings near the end from the 60's that were so fucking awesome- the drawing and markmaking in his work and the free space. The paintings where he begins to let the gesture be more pronounced. They are masterpieces.

estamos en barcelona ahora

2007-05-24T18:20:00.000-04:00

hi. madrid was awesome. we are in barcelona now. Priorat (region) of espana makes some great vino. I have been communicating for the group, "reading" menus, ordering, etc. now that we are in barcelona i don't know what the hell language to speak but it seems ok. Just back from a great, fun meal downstairs of the apartment we are staying in. is it weird that every restaurant we go to they offer us free digestifs at the end? does that mean we are drunks? maybe it does. not sure. holy shit the gaudi church sacra de familia... The Prado was insanely awesome. i have 5 posts in the back of my mind but just wanted to say hello. goya is completely amazing. holy shit. i saw my titian. so much so much awesomeness. all good. there were some major screw ups early on in our arrival but i will report on this late. hooker avenue. i am not driven crazy yet by familia of arthur. it is the help of constant wine. hampaw, i have been thinking of your work because of the royal palace in madrid. excellent. major tiepolo fresco, didn't realize it was there. blew me away.

this is a rambilng post. can't focus. just hello....wish you were all here. that would be mucho divertido.

oh, and in case you forgot, the "garden of earthly delights" in person is every bit as super duper as you might imagine.

homage

2007-05-18T23:05:00.000-04:00

arthur and i leave for spain tomorrow. crazy business. this painting by titian, "worship of venus," is at the prado. a painting i have always hoped i could see in real life. i've got a lot of art viewing to do and drinking. i am so absolutely thrilled to not have to code toad for over a week. the sun is peeking through the clouds.

i hope i can post about the trip while i'm there with some pics and such. not sure....

glittery rainbow wishes to you all.

people on the subway are bothering me

2007-05-16T10:36:00.000-04:00

yesterday there was a sick passenger in the morning on my way to beige. last night there was a 35+yr old man on my train home after the contortion chamber listening to some rap song loudly on his phone. he was rapping quite audibly to it (i couldn't figure out what song it was). i knew it was better not to look at him after the initial eye contact took place. the part that bothered me was his age. how do you get to be near my age and still do that? wtf? then this other guy got on the train with 2 friends and almost sat in my lap. he was carrying a long stick - like a blind person stick - it was white, about the same size, except that it had about 3 sort of movable cylinders in brown that went up and down the stick when he moved it. and it made a noise. not exactly a rain stick or anything but you get the idea. so he has nice rings and a weird cantor to his voice. he is telling his friend how he did too much coke for his birthday and laughing weirdly - too self-consciously. I get the sense that he wants to be like Jean Michel Basquiat - like he's a kool dude man. I dunno. He seemed unstable. like JMB. So his friends exit the train but he stays on and doesn't move over. still squashed next to me. he is moving the blind man rain stick wildly up and down in the center of the subway. he is singing/speaking what I don't know and/or motioning to the rap singer down the way. I refuse to look up. I have the feeling he will address me. it's inevitable. then he leaves the train one stop before mine. jesus.

this morning a large hasidic dude told me to move. just said "move" to me on the subway.

forest finds

2007-05-13T11:11:00.000-04:00

went to the forest briefly yesterday. it was pretty good. the highlight of my hour and a half of viewing was this painting by andre ethier. his new show is up at derek eller.

there are a lot of wizards and the all-seeing eye, hobbit huts, mystical business and what not. the paintings are arranged in groupings this time and are framed. I was not so into the frames. i know, it seems like i would like all the wizards and such, but i am less into these. there are still some great paintings in this bunch but the subject matter felt a little dead to me. what i like about his work is the oddball, spastic and funny characters and the beautiful (if a touch cheesy) way that he makes paintings. his last show was funny and surprising and audacious and fun to look at. they still are all these things but the whole wizard thing feels a little heavy-handed, you know? and almost too cheesy even for me. YES, I GET IT. stoned out hobbit people and the whole world of imagery accompanying that stuff is pretty goofy and fun but it's too generic. i still liked the show - but was a bit less dazzled. and this applies to some of the paintings too - seemed repetitive - black background, same palette. seeemed a little churned out. maybe i am being too hard on andre. what do i know?

The other surprise hightlight for me was the sterling ruby show at metro pictures. yucky, dripping alchemy. big grafitti/mantra post-apolcalypse stonehenge. it's yucky and big and dumb and compelling. i was surprised by this - that there was a lot to ponder. the framed photos/collages or whatever they are are interesting. they make you reassess what it is you are looking at and why. what are you expecting vs what this object is vs art vs abstraction vs found object/excavation under the highway. there is a looseness to the work that manages to keep my attention because i don't know what to make of it necessarily. urban primitiveness - a reflection of modern man as not at all modern.

Went to see the dana schutz. i liked this show a lot too. my least favorite painting was the big operation thingy. too much, can't focus, don't care. i mean, it's okay but some of the less showy work really hit it. i love the brain painting and the woman on the phone from the back with the gigantic hand. even the nudes with the cut out shapes/black velvet holes are working for me. go and see the show.

it was a good day. i left chelsea thinking about subject matter and imagery in my own stuff. I can't be an abstract artist anymore (not that i ever really was one).

yellers

2007-05-11T11:50:00.000-04:00

for the second night in a row the yellers have been at it. after 10pm it's usually dead quiet on my street, minus dogs barking here and there or the rooster. wednesday night as i drifted off to sleep i got to hear a loud man/woman dispute. crazy yelling - couldn't really follow it. it had a touch of the crazies to it and i figured it might be an out of line hooker/pimp thing (i am not kidding) and that it was just an oddball occurence. well last night i got home from the shack around 11:30 or so and parked down the street. the yeller woman was already at it. just walking down the street talking to herself loudly - right near my door. my thinking is: cracked out person/possible prostitute. once i get safely inside the man chimes in. they are up and down my block skulking and yelling. i swear i hear about a 30$ pipe. bingo on the crack assumption (or meth). i can really hear them up in our bedroom where the windows are open - less so in the living room. it goes on and on - serious drama. i try to spy outside without being seen. i consider calling the cops. i call arthur and warn him to be careful coming home because there is unpredictable business. now our neighbor (dog rapes/pool/pep boys) normally gets really really mad about noise and yells at people (which we love). so - i am waiting for him to intervene. we see he is up and standing on his deck. which is unusual for him late at night. has he called the cops? arthur determines that the yellers are just having a loud argument and to let it be. it finally stopped around 12:30. question: if it happens again tonight(friday night), for a third time, should i call? where do i draw the line?

it sounds like they have prior probs with the law. there was a lot of "tell it to the judge" stuff flying around. i don't want to get people in trouble but they really kind of freak me out. i imagine knife wounds, flying bullets. or maybe it's just too much CSI and my paranoia. why can't people just behave? it would be nice to be able to walk from my car to my house without having to dodge crazy yelling people yelling about judges and pipes, you know?

also: related. there is a group of moms/kids that gather on lawn chairs on the sidewalk on my street, not my block, but on my way to the subway. I have to walk through them on my way home. I don't like this even though everyone is friendly enough...i have been crossing the street to not walk through it. is it wrong? am i damaged?

The Bea Arthur Collection

2007-05-10T12:02:00.000-04:00

Capturing the essense of the Sporting Old Gal Around Town this nylon 2-piece track suit is easy to wear and easy to care for. The Navy/Burgandy combo says NO-NONSENSE. Layering with a tank or turtleneck can dress this up or down and extend its wear through many seasons. Also, generous room is allowed through the hips.

Sassy AND Comfortable! Feel ready to tackle anything in this modern revision of the country quilt, in soft, neutral flannels to compliment any skin tone. Comes with matching handbag.

Swing into summer in these spunky skimmers!

snowflake

2007-05-03T10:55:00.000-04:00

something is going on in my hood that involves youngsters pointing out the fact that I am a paleface. last night i got the "hey snowflake" from some 15 year olds. i did not sense any trouble from this comment but sometimes i feel super lame walking by and not responding. am i supposed to respond "hey black dudes" and continue walking? it seems only fair but i kept my mouth shut. whatever. more annoying was the day before on the way home around 9 - everywhere i turned there were weirdos/hood-dudes/maybe-intoxicated-or-slow out and I had to cross the street a zillion times to avoid. then i walked through a bunch of kids playing - like 8-9 year olds maybe - they were fake singing etc. I caught the eye of this young girl as she belted out a tune by a parked car. then she changed the lyrics to "i hate white people" as i walked by. what is this about? for some reason it really bugged me. I have lived here 3+ years and have RARELY had a comment on my race. then 2 days in row. is it becuase there are more of us now? or was it just to impress her friends (i am sure it is) - what is even more lame is that a bunch of those kids know me. I have retrieved their wiffle ball many times. i say hi to their moms. anyhoo. since that bugged me so much now i am minorly weirded out. and i feel like the energy i am giving off is making more comments happen. paranoia right? not real fb. it's just kids. whatever, right? at least the little old ladies on my street like me. sigh.

the journey to outer space

2007-05-03T10:40:00.000-04:00

this painting is about riding the wind off the edge of the earth.

gin

2007-05-02T13:20:00.000-04:00

there's an article on gin in the times today. i love gin. the most delicious drink in the world is a hendrick's gin and tonic. it's elegant, interesting, herbal-weird. it's perfect.

my ticket to stardom and wealth

2007-05-02T10:40:00.000-04:00

picture this: white or yellow underpants made with a printed knit featuring 100's of brown turds. another pair featuring a big brown stain on the butt. urban outfitters. need i say more?

in the night

2007-04-26T09:55:00.000-04:00

i had a baby. on my own. it was still connected with a lumpy umbilical cord while i unsuccessfully tried to nurse it. i ended up giving it a saucer of milk. it was whimpering, but not dead like i feared. its form was shifting - part cat, a different race than its mother, not exactly human. it was confusing and small. then i was on the phone.

B L A N K

2007-04-24T17:29:00.000-04:00

Here are some boring things I could blog about:

muck

never having enough paper towels at home

some blinds fell on a guy here at beige and cut him and i initially chuckled but then realized he was hurt and felt bad. now i am hiding and avoiding

how every woman possesses 100 competing vaginas

hating things

wandering at lunch

the people who sit outside on chairs next to piles of garbage

something happened to the elfin spirit. it is under tarps

my friends are back

2007-04-22T12:09:00.000-04:00

flood

2007-04-15T23:39:00.000-04:00

so who else spent today with buckets, sponges, and an assortment of old towels crouched in the corner of a basement? anyone? anyone?

clearly, jesus hates me. or the water table, or the storm drains, or something, hates me. the flood was just a strongish trickle and nothing is ruined minus some wet drywall, but what a way to waste a day off. now we are left wondering... was this only a rogue attack? a random concurrence of high tide/storm/direction of rain/nor'easter that will only flood like this once every 3 years or is this a new fun game that will need to be addressed in the form of major waterproofing, 25,0000$ dig up storm drain, etc. we have had a tiny bit of water in this one place a few times over the years but today was GALLONS. really. gallons...

i am waiting for brooklyn to get so wet that it breaks off and heads south to warmer climes.

fuck. why? why? i may have to stay home tomorrow from beige and pretend to be a broom from fantasia.

now i must drink. bye.

archeology

2007-04-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

just in from renovation central. gaping holes. i think they proably had to put in a whole new subfloor. but they are excavating in the most ruined part of the house. ruh roh. but they are making it work. here is pic of a gaping hole where the house is crumbling inside itself. i am lining glass blocks along these holes in case any mummies, critters, or otherwise decide to go exploring tonight. that would not be good.

i am not sure about this door. no one asked me. eh. it is gray and bleh and has no window. ugh. it is better than before i guess. at least weather resistant? the door at least closes on the bottom with a vacuum sounding seal. this is weirding me out. i feel like the house is having an operation. scary operation.

unearthing the tomb

2007-04-09T12:12:00.000-04:00

There are worker bees at my home today. Nerves are high. I am waiting to get the call that my residence is structurally unsound, that the termites have eviscerated all beams and that the house is only being held up by magic. They are excavating the devil's triangle area, the pit of despair. I am waiting to see what they find but imagine something like this:

Nerves are high. Nerves are high. I just want to put on a large sombrero and hand over fistfulls of money and make it all be better and okay. I can't see you. I can't hear you. My head is full of used pencil erasers.

Related: I am looking for an unscrupulous locksmith. i may have to resort to bribing. can i do this??

Sorry....

2007-04-04T10:05:00.000-04:00

here is a rainbow for you. sorry to complain so much. non-caring is the focus for me. non-thinking. i am back on the wagon with the positive attitude games. i can tell you that the dumbing waters REALLY HELPED last night. since arthur is away i can't be bothered with meals and i think it's screwing me up. anyhoo. thanks for listening. i would still ilke my eyes stapled today. or just call in to my beige and say that my grandma died and that i have to go home.

busyness

2007-04-02T16:15:00.000-04:00

i am declaring war on achievement. there is an article in the times today about the 'amazing girls' in newton, ma and their schedules, their quest for the right college, success success success. this article showcases the gap between rich and poor, privilege and less and the expectations that come along with it. there are quotes about the difficulty young people today are going to have to uphold the standard of living that their parents enjoy. i don't know. when i was in high school i was certainly able to take an AP class and get good grades but i was also able to pursue my own interests, to hang out and figure out who i was a little, to misbehave, and i don't know, do that kind of thing. i wasn't running around like a crazy person, joining every extracurricular activity. the article made me sad for these girls somehow. lemmings.

i am ready to opt out. who the hell cares? it's a cycle of chumps. stupid money and stupid art world and stupid 'positive thinking' games. fuck that. the darkness is coming for me - clearly.

6am

2007-03-27T11:29:00.000-04:00

arthur had to get up early for beige. they are working him to the bone. so, i was also up around 6:20 this morn. first thought, after throwing the food-whore cat out of the bed for the 5th time, was "i hate everyone." it's a theme i've been echoing the last few days. i laid in bed for almost 2 hours trying to figure out what the hell kind of life I would like. do i need to move? do i just need pharmaceutical intervention? am i just being a baby? is it better to be poor with more time after all? rather than scrambling around, tired and irritated, eating hummus for dinner, in a frenzy?

i thought i would try working a better job for more dollhairs full time. guess what? it annoys me. it is relentless and exhausting even though the job itself is not bad at all. the people are nice. there are some things that could be better, of course, but it is totally fine. people do this all the time. they work. am i just not trained and/or used to it? is it the 40 hours schedule? is it the sitting at the computer al the time? WHAT IS MY PROB? i was thinking that my old beige was perhaps better because it was zombie-easy and one less day. but that frustrated me too. now that there is sometimes a challenge and deadlines aplenty that tips me the other way into the tired-out husk that feels guilty (constantly) if she doesn't go to the shack range. apparently i am just a pain in the ass. seriously though, there are people out there (i think?) that get up in the morning and look forwaard to what they are going to be doing at work rather than just tolerate it. can you imagine? is it my attitude? because i think almost everything is a joke deep down? that's wrong probably. i should be different but i just can't do it somehow... i feel like almost every job is just kind of bullhinky. i mean its just a world of tards buying shit.

would amputation help? or wearing pink? do i need to start smuggling in a space bag? this working shit just feels like a long stretch of nothing for me to poopon.

living off the land

2007-03-20T10:03:00.000-04:00

i am reading the omnivore's dilemma which i highly recommend. although if you are like me - - when you are only one eighth of the way through you will decide that the human race is doomed and horrible which leads you to think about capitalism and how it has mangled this country and fed off the poor people(whole other subject) through corporations/industrialized war machine and then how you are going to work at this very moment at the new beige and it's a fucking sham because you are working on ads for a credit card company which makes you part of the problem. this puts you in a bad place where the only option is to move to vermont and get solar panels and a well, get a small farm going and opt out. but maybe not vermont because you have to have a truck or jeep there probably and everyone drives which leaves you reliant on oil and polluting. plus when the bomb hits you will be too close to new york. so yes. this is how the day is starting out. these are the important questions that need answering. who will take responsibility for how fucked up everything else? according to my book this planet could never ever support the population it currently has without the mass amounts of industrialized corn we produce thanks to nitrogen fertilizer - which is created through fossil fuel. the discoverer of this fertilizer also was responsible for creating the poison gas used to kill people in concentration camps - i kid you not. we are using this planet up like a dirty greedy pimp. reading about feedlots this morning thinking about the cute cows and calves i sometimes see grazing in iowa when i am home. UGH. it's all so messed up. corporations do not take care of the earth or the people. money is their only interest and money cannot fix the earth when if finally gasps its final breath. aorry.

arthur and I sat next to gibby haynes last night at a restaurant.

spitter

2007-03-15T10:00:00.000-04:00

this morning on the L train a man spit on me. couldn't believe it. I sneezed next to him as I was reading a book standing and I guess that was not allowed in his universe. he was sitting down in a two-seater, saving the seat next to him with a nylon bag. crazy biz. so I just stared at him in disbelief and then walked away. An older woman and man watched it and said - I guess he doesn't want you to stand next to him jokingly. then those two were just talking about how crazy what happened was in quiet voices and spitter got all riled up. stop talking about me. yadda yadda. crazy bizness all the way to my transfer! funz.

to:frogs, a poem for the eyes

2007-03-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

from: fairy butler

updates from voiddess

2007-03-12T15:26:00.000-04:00

1. tasty treat = queen's hideaway in greenpoint. delicious. go there. bestest meal in a long while. fried oysters, hushpuppies, trout with some pickly jalapeno something something. peanut butter pie (AWESOME), biegnets. go.
2. live, unknown rap. somehow saturday night found me in the midst of varied rap performers. there was this super horrible but almost so bad it's good white dude called like super genius or something. whoa. my eyebrows are scrunching up thinking about it. there were a lot of yelling rappers. i don't know what the hell was going on. it was weird and dark. i took off my shoes & wig.
3. NEW!!! = avoidance of duties all of the time. this is my new calling - no clean, no art making or art looking, no thinking. only a show called property ladder where I get to watch a zillion commercials while waiting for the flip to go over budget.
4. we received a ticket from the sanitation police for a "dirty area". no joke. $100. those fucking flyers that they hang on your door got loose and made dirty all over our front area with the litter from the school. my question is: what about the true abomination next door? the mass grave/pit/pool ? do they get a ticket? no fair.

a question

2007-03-05T11:13:00.000-05:00

why is there a sick passenger on the morning commute L train at least once a week? is there a sickness turnstile that people go through unbeknownst to them? do sick people wait until around 8:45 to go into the city, drinking down cuploads of bleach before boarding? do sick people conspire to leave the house early with their satchel of knives and get all fired up to cut reading the letter from their exwife again and again? why does it only happen when you need to get to beige sort of on time? i would like to know this. when i arrive at my train in the morning at 8:40 to a crowd of people swarming i know there is trouble. then the announcements come - no L train service, the trains are turning around at broadway junction - that's good times. i had to walk to the J. then the F train i transfer to was all fucked up and full and i sat next to a very large person and didn't care that i was impinging into their fatroll-overhang space. then there was a giant line at the coffee stand with some dickweed buying like 10 cups of coffee. then the light changed and i had to wait. then I got to work at 9:50, a full hour and ten after i left the house. now i have NOTHING to do here. I am not even on the schedule. time for the pensky file. these are the molestations of living. really, is this what jesus wants for me? is this the sort of life i should be living?

the shoulds

2007-03-02T14:12:00.000-05:00

i find that I am plagued by the shoulds and i am inquiring if this is just a symptom of bladder cancer, a heart murmur, acute melancholy or if it is a common feeling among creatures of this universe. i get tired of scheduling every moment of evey day. i have a tough enough time just with the basics, yoga or studio or social times and what will i feed myself and cleaning up the implements used in feeding self. when errands, cleaning and chores are added to this i begin to get annoyed. then there are the larger projects - - like scheduling a dental appointment and figuring out how to fix the falling down house, god forbid hiring a handyman to fix something. i shirk these big picture moments and end up in fetal state. i find that I get tired and stressy and then the black void reaches out its long black velvet glove and gives me a little pat on the rear. it closes my eyelids and sends me down under the slabs with a cotton blankey and a cold brew. the mama fb has remarked that i need to ease up my drivenness(in fact sometimes I think i scare her) but honestly i cannot see how that is an option. there are so many random things that need to be accomplished and stuff. and i am supposed to be looking at art and stuff like that. how? how is all of this possible? is it normal to schedule all the time every day? maybe it is. maybe i am overthinking.

so now i end up here at new beige at 2:20pm with all my tasks done. but can i leave? no. i must sit here pointlessly wasting my time.

am i losing it? have a made a string of horrible choices? lately the shoulds have been accompanied by the feeling of the alien and the pointlessness. i am not a teenager.

advice cube, can you be of assistance?

here is where it goes down sloth

2007-02-27T14:26:00.000-05:00

when we do battle for the mm painting. careful of the erupting boils - hot lava will coat your sloth hairs burning and maiming and slowing you down while the fb scoots the boot scoot up through the fire - fierce. i promise to use no magix. just the magix of my gut and my naturally webbed and sticky-coated feets.

pappy

2007-02-22T21:10:00.000-05:00

puzzled about content

2007-02-17T09:17:00.000-05:00

i got a flyer for a show in the mail the other night. initial response: why another show with porno figures/vignettes? why? it brought to mind the pornbroidery i think, which really sets me off. and I am not declaring my response fair. it's not. i will see this show and I may feel differently once i am able to determine how the figurative choices function within the rest of the formal and material choices, etc. but I am very suspicious. why? well because it seems one-dimensional and easy. a tactic i have seen so many times before that always leaves me uninterested. depictions of sex - well, fine, ok... but to somehow capture desire in paint in a way i have never seen is what I am looking for(or to do both simultaneously). Does that make sense? it's like picturing versus the real thing.

it's not accurate to make generalizations. it's not that every porno figurette scene is always lame. it depends on the context. i can really dig narrative work sometimes. it's case by case. but i WAS interested in my initial response - how using 'hot button' subject matter can immediately turn me away. It's like writing pussy on a painting. i think my response comes from a sense that the artist is trying to shock, trying to manipulate, and it just annoys me sometimes.

Our Dark Heroes

2007-01-28T13:07:00.000-05:00

image: Rachel Frank

FB has some stuffs in this + a special and unique performance the night of the opening where the FB will be mute and don jester regalia (spandex with diamond patterns) and attempt to perform grotesqueries to the unsuspecting. this art features swift hand movements and trickiness, darting eyes, and an occassional mournful wail. you don't want to miss!!!!!!!!!

Saturday night Feb 3 @ Secret Project Robot in W'burg - runs through the month with different peformances on saturday night.

Secret Project Robot is pleased to present Our Dark Heroes, curated by Tracy Candido. Our Dark Heroes presents contemporary art that references the mocking wit of the comic grotesque genre most popular in the first forty years of 20th century Germany. The genre first emerged onto Germany’s cultural scene at the end of the 1800’s through the work of Arnold Bocklin. His extraordinary and bizarre paintings manifested a coalescence of fantastic animal forms and human figures....

more info

The Kick Game

2007-01-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

there are just a few more thru the link. still figuring out camera phone - adds a special blur to everything!

Spirit Quest with Wolves

2007-01-15T22:26:00.000-05:00

me no write englash

2007-01-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

Good God. Interviewing and beige-hunting is stressful. I start talking about my experience and the world turns white. I vacate my body and have no idea what words are being spoken. I cannot summarize well. I sit talking in circles and then apologizing. Damn you Midwestern upbringing!!! Craps. I worry about my strange, animated face and odd turns of phrase.

I had to take this year 1900 HTML test which I assumed I would get 100% on. Oh no. There were the weirdest questions that didn't even apply or make sense or matter. Questions more about names and vocabulary rather than real knowledge and making things happen. Who makes these tests? I was assured that I did fine, better than average, no big deal but UGH. It stressed me out. Who ever uses <dt> tags? At this point I have been rejected from one thing. fine, whatever. 3 other things left potentially. 1 is fancy and exciting/scary and pays really well. But maybe I am too 'tarded? There is all this stuff about server-side scripting which I have only a vague comprehension of - i worked on some jsp pages once, worked on a php mail thing once, etc. not so much. i say i am a quick study and that if i have an example or two I can usually figure out. but who knows what I'll really be up against. I have no idea what awaits me in the minotaurs coding lair.

So I had to write follow up emails this morning. I carefully composed them. I re-read, I spell checked, then I go ahead and send. then I re-read later and there are typos!! how am I such a dork? i have a problem with leaving out little words like a, to, etc. Good God. panic. the job i turned down was filled or at least that is what the spazzy guy is telling me.

Okay, enough. I am going to get some more coffee for hoemopathic healing.

2 from today's bush

2007-01-10T23:27:00.000-05:00

It's on mofos.

2007-01-09T23:54:00.000-05:00

the rocket has been cocked. the skillz have been uploaded to random job sites. let the games begin....

Dreary it is

2007-01-08T10:23:00.000-05:00

action words

2007-01-05T10:26:00.000-05:00

navy blue suit
i see you
confident like an eagle cock
tell me about yourself

action words
keywords
skill set
languages

where do you see yourself in five years
on the moon
down below in the grey matter
homeless and strung out
shitting my pants

lavender sweats

2006-12-27T14:55:00.000-05:00

I received lavender sweat pjs as an xmas gift this year. i am wearing them now. the top is oversized (looks AWESOME on me!) and fleece-like. This is true. Really. the pants are tapered like sweat pants with elastic at the bottom.

So, besides the surprise drive from chicago to des moines with 3 other people and a dog in the backseat through black fog i got a special gift at my parents house (among many). i will make this short. in the middle of dinner arthur's mom and dad told me about a certain des moines relic maker they had met at a party or something and how they had solicited advice for me from this person about my career. then they proceeded to give me said advice. they said I could even email this person!!! i do not respect this person (the relic-maker) one iota. HACK. BAD. but somehow, in the stress of the holidays, the comments got to me. i think the only way i will be valid in their eyes for me to have a giant store where I decorate log furniture, chess-sets, and bird houses. or if i get into a gallery in the mall in omaha or a corporate art collection in waterloo, iowa. i know they are well meaning but this kind of thing can push me over the edge. which it did. am i that much of a failure seeming? UGH. don't respond. i know it is not that dire & the fb has recovered to normalness now.

hi.

going to iowa

2006-12-21T00:35:00.000-05:00

tomorrow.
positivity.
think it. feel it. be it.
holiday cheer.
cheerfullness.
pleasantness.

hot dogs

2006-12-20T09:10:00.000-05:00

i realized this morning that it has probably been 3 months since i've had one. this explains things.

earnest people

2006-12-16T09:08:00.000-05:00

do you ever go out and talk with someone that you don't know well and find that all your snarky comments are taken at face value? this happened last night. this person is the nicest in the world - all good - but i left feeling that I was some of asswipe from the dark side. no biggie i guess, but i woke up wondering. how do i become like that? i think it is not possible. (unless I am talking about psychic phenomena, quantum physics, or 32-sided die.)

inner sanctum de la shack

2006-12-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

i am back shackside. i realized i had forgotten how much better it is in the non-real world of doodads and colors and magical things. so much safer there with all my tard pals and my rock jams and daydreamy phantasy mindmelds. Now i remember what the deal is with all the poor life decisions i have made so far. basically all i want to do is shack stuff and visits out to chelsea forest and beyond and, hmm, what would be the word, party? A cringe-inducing word, party, to party, what the fuck. but i guess that is sort of my mindset at the moment. escapism. is it so wrong? i don't like reality and stuff like that.

Klaxons: Who will wear the spandex?

2006-12-12T00:32:00.000-05:00

I have emerged into the light, the airy, peaceful, drunken night. Hark, I hear thee Klaxons. Well, really I saw their excellent video on the boob tube weeks ago and looked it up. I am clearly behind the times since they played here ages ago, in Greenpoint I think even, and I missed it cause I am slow sometimes. Anyways, I think the Klaxons are cute and make me dream of dating a high school senior, college freshman type of goofy boy. But beyond that little aside to nostalgia row - - the video for the song (and the song I guess) - Atlantis to Interzone is great. I like all the songs that you can download there. I'm not sure about that Golden Skanks video. The website itself is pretty good too.

The secret link to the videos:
http://www.klaxons.net/home/members/fullaudiovideo/video/atlantisvideo.html

Website proper is klaxons.net

If they come back to the USA I hope someone will come with me to dork dance in angel wings.

a recommendation for the holidays

2006-12-06T10:42:00.000-05:00

100% naturally home brewed, straight outta bushwick, a wee bit a magic in every puff. Give as a gift but buy one for yourself too!

some easy steps towards envisioning your inner heart light

2006-12-04T18:50:00.000-05:00

goal: stop running around the house saying "i hate everyone" 10 times an hour. it's super fun but i wonder if i'll pay later? i sense a karma problem.

goal: increase spontaneous dancing, jazzing, practice man-gymnast rings moves on kitchen counter, peek a book mime dancing while arthur is in the bathroom, etc. riding the white horse is allowed.

goal: leave the house

goal: increase non-sequitors and "that doesn't make any sense" remarks from arthur.

stubodkslekjgalkj

2006-11-28T00:54:00.000-05:00

that means hello. i live in a tarpit these days and tend to lurk only on the blogs for a furtive 5 minutes. energy is fading. too much shitz going on. but i want to say hi.

odes and concerns

2006-11-15T19:28:00.000-05:00

Odes......

the hold steady. i am going to see them again next week @ warsaw the night before t-giving. there are still tix. come! witness the rock anthem and bourbon dance. it will be time to get rowdy and ride the electric bull. slashed jeans.

Joanna Newsome. went to see her perform on monday with mm & uf. Holy shit. Seriously, she is a genius. we all belive it. almost frightening. she played with a band some of the new stuff from the new album - intricate, gorgeous, complex, beautiful. the arrangements included harp, banjo, saw, drums and acoustic guitar. it sounds like it could be precious or trendy bad but it is not. it is all in service to some freaky talent. go and see her perform. what else can i say?

The Annuals The record is called Be He Me. Great. Like a more indie rock animal collective, kind of - with moments of Elephant Six stuff thrown in. I've really been digging it in the studio. Can't find a stream of it though. (not looking hard though)

this video

Concerns....

i am turning into a hack painter. it'll be ok. hopefully.

Rock Show Art Show Fundraiser Raffle-tabulous...

2006-11-10T10:26:00.000-05:00

Wanna rawk?

Bling Kong (performing rock opera - 4 cheerleaders, 3 drummers, 2 guitarists, etc,), Lungs of a Giant, Mittens, I am the Avalanche - quadruple bill!!!
Wednesday, November 15th, @ Northsix in W'burg 8pm 10$.

this is to fund a group show at a non-profit space in w'burg this winter. (i'm gonna be in the show - all the info here: explosivoartshow.com) i hear there will be a raffle of sorts with artist made stuff (shirts, bags, etc). limited edition posters by me and cole gerst available. (the one by me is, duh, it's the image here). fun stuffs. really, though, i think the bands are gonna be super fun biznitch. yes. come. there will be booze available.

freelancing fucking sucks

2006-11-08T20:32:00.000-05:00

this just in: I AM SICK OF WORKING FOR FREE

i can't take it anymore. I want out. Just send me to a shithole beige and put me on the clock. seriously. i'm over it. the amount of time I spend emailing about projects, UGH. so not worth it - and the stress of being in charge? forget it. I going to start saying no to things. I just want to go to a job and leave a job. blame it on the boss, etc.

hates.

hey!

2006-11-08T10:07:00.000-05:00

we have our first woman speaker of the house -ever ! nancy pelosi. how cool is that? we won! I can't believe it. and maybe the senate too!

SPORT tampons

2006-11-03T13:07:00.000-05:00

"Introducing a high performance tampon with SPORT level Protection^™"
"game time or anytime"
"no slip grip"

tards

2006-11-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

i have been listening to too much npr coverage on the elections. the verdict: PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY STUPID

the war on terror? do people really worry about this compulsively? gay marriage? this is an issue? TARDS everywhere. seriously. I can't take it anymore. i think all these idiots should just move to afghanistan or iran/iraq and see what it's like when religious fundamentalism takes hold.

thankfully, i do believe that the democrats will take over. will it make any difference? I hope but don't count on it. or the republicans will just fix the elections. this is possible and could explain some of the bizarro statements by karl rove, etc.

sorry.

autumness

2006-10-30T10:25:00.000-05:00

happy day to all. now that the gale force winds are no longer trying to blow our fence down i am liking the outside today. autumn is the best. after the new year it starts to go into the depression zone but until then, i'm telling you, hearts to fall.

toad sucking

2006-10-25T09:21:00.000-04:00

Link: a dog struggles with addiction

next door

2006-10-20T13:36:00.000-04:00

here's what was going on next door to us. a home-made swimming pool has taken the place of the dog rape hotel. i was going through some photos on the carmera - now that it's fall the pool has been dismantled and there are just scattered concrete blocks, a few more cars and car parts, and that blue tarp is all wadded up randomly. it's sweet. really. the hole is still there. when they were digging that we thought it might be for a grave, but no, just a 'pool'. we like our neighbors, we really do, but this is kind of wacked, no? there were lots of mosquitos this summer. leave it at that.

i am going to rewrite my artist statement today. super fucking fun! i found something i wrote in my studio one day and it's less lame than the crapstick i have currently. embarrasing it all is. hate. also updating the website-a-roo just because. some things must go - some new must be added.

cumberbunds

2006-10-18T16:56:00.000-04:00

frogs reminded me that the cumberbund sale is tomorrow morning. sahweet!!! i hoping to score a whole sequin set. like this:

"a great look for jazz bands" NEED I SAY MORE? the cheeretc.com site really has tons to offer the classy customer. be it the flags or the scrunchies, the dance shoes, the unitards, the silk team jackets. it's SO worth a looksee. they have two categories - "custom cups" and "head gear" but neither were quite as promising as I had hoped. there is a scrunchie page: http://www.cheeretc.com/scrunchies.htm

also these:

this guy is called "froggles"

tornadoes:

live/work for sale in my hood

2006-10-10T18:45:00.000-04:00

i think i know which building this is... it's nice. right now a pack of welder/sculptors live there. I can vouch for the location since it's close to me.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/rfs/218698789.html

time managment

2006-10-10T14:44:00.000-04:00

goals, plans, schedule, projects = annoying. I've gotta get away from the 'puter again. I feel I am ready to Kut.

Brian Calvin

2006-10-06T10:06:00.000-04:00

This is the painting. I love this guy's work. I was less into the black/white faces somehow. The other portrait of the woman with the flower in her hair I will also be happy to take into my family. The drawings are also excellent.

The forest wore me out yesterday. I thought I was getting mm & corny's illness last night but today I am feeling better. Took a night off from the booze and went to bed early. Which meant missing the spaz dancing session last night which i feel bad about. Sorry. I suck. Anyway, let's see. A report from the forest...

Surprise hit = keegan mchargue at metro pictures. I guess this has been all the rage or something? But honestly, why I don't think it's the bees knees there is just enough peculiarity (genuine, to me) in these images that by the time i left the gallery I was into it. Innovation and color and yes, there is that yellow submarine-esque goofy drawing style that courts suspicion but I was buying it. I tended to like the less complicated ones better. ?

this was followed by the fucking awesome show at L. Augustine. Albert Oehlen. Is that spelled right? It was weird to see this show after the KM show because the feeling changed from weird, happy, stoned good times to a definite nihilistic chill. Such a different kind of painting - such bravado and skill. Asking different questions with the work. My friend and I sat and the gallery and discussed this like big freaks for a really long time.

Karen Kilimnick - kind of a bummer for some reason. I have been a fan since the beginning but this show didn't offer me any new insights. I don't know. It was fine. whatever.

Lastly.... Elizabeth Huey. I only saw it at the opening and seeing it again was a whole different thing. These are ambitious paintings, gorgeous color and light. A highly charged painting vocabulary. Going somewhere.

so that's a wrap on another installment of my incredibly lazy chelsea forest overview.

Pony Party

2006-10-04T09:35:00.000-04:00

oh moondancer, twilight, won't you come and live in my back yard? will you come and sing karaoke with me and monitor the song selection by cutesy cheerleader types who want to sing the bangles? you can use your horn to maim. I know you can lil' ponies. Also, twilight, i am wondering if you would like to be my new car. We can flly together over nyc spreading joy and love, pooping tiny delights spread in a sea of glitter and high-fructose steam. It's pretty fucking enticing, right? and you know, i will be looking for a new beige soon, lil ponies, maybe I could breed you and sell you? we can come up with exciting new pony mutations with lyrical names and special abilities. And don't worry, I can write the copy. Yes, of course it will be necessary to court the dark side with the mutations. I have a garage and paying customers all lined up. Let us put the horn to use. Did I need to even say that? You can turn a blind eye like all the republicans in congress. it's ok. There's plenty of liquor.

more probs

2006-10-02T16:45:00.000-04:00

writing this stinking javascript fucking sucks. how am i supposed to figure this out? i guess I will go read the book for the third time and start over from scratch now. i am completely lost.

var i=0; i < mypatiencelifementalhealth.length, i++

2006-09-27T10:46:00.000-04:00

ok. eric meyer, I owe you an apology. compared to javascript your lil css business is a piece of fucking cake. no probs. actually, i am starting to get it although I haven't tested anything yet on the dreaded IE6. I dreamed about javascript. stress dreams. Jesus.

Anyhoo.... who wants to kill me?

Nuts

2006-09-20T21:40:00.000-04:00

i am kind of going crazy working from home. there, i said it. I am getting squirrely AND nutty, see above. I end up pacing around the backyard and talking to myself at the computer. There is too much to learn, too much frustration, too much anxiety. Will it ever end, the anxiety? At a certain point in the day I typically just can't do anymore. I feel confused about how much time should be spent in the shack etc etc etc. blah blah blah, crazy lady cuckoo head. I don't miss the work from the old beige although it was nice to get something done in an afternoon. i miss the beige pals and the general talky talk that I would normally engage in. now i am online and on the emails for my communications. and I actuallly have WORK to accomplish. sorrry. i am just not sure the work from home is all it's cracked up to be. (NPI)

I am trying to restrain temptations for troubs but it's really tough to be the keeper of one's own schedule. don't get me wrong - little by little the tasks are going somewhere. I am even currentlly working on a paying gig - but it's been a little weird to adjust to this. I am more the taskmaster than ever and have the arm wound, pinch neck. The constant schedule, how should I spend my time. lame. I need money.

le afflicion nogiveashittie

2006-09-18T13:55:00.000-04:00

i've come down with a tough case today. someone will need to tie me to the chair and administer the ritalin.

I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT DOING THIS ANYMORE. at present

Sorry, no clever pictures, no charming limericks, no angst or self-laceration. I am just sick of sitting in this room and staring at this computer screen. my shoulders hurt. i am working on a bedsore on my upper right arm.

My King

2006-09-14T10:36:00.000-04:00

Some of his arthurian talents include:

kingliness
a way with unicorns
twinkling eyes
magix
a taste for flesh
eagle's eye

Let us raise a broasted turkey leg, a splashing urn of blood red wine, a sword pulled from Mordor's fires, to Arthur today on the anniversary of his birth. The resounding song of the gong is ringing in the hills while the mockingbird's song is delicate and sweet, lilting like a lullaby on this raining morning. Nature, in all her wisdom and glory, is the composer of this Arthur song. The earth drinks in honor of you today.

div tags can kiss my ass

2006-09-13T09:46:00.000-04:00

i am in a quagmire of slow learning this week. whoever thinks that css for layout is soooo easy and great and better than the old ways of doing things can fuck off. one can look at examples, follow the instructions, understand the theoretical implications, yes, but then when one tries to do one seemingly simple thing well forget it. you want the image AND text to align at the bottom of the box, without positioning. well good luck. jesus. I am sure i will figure this very simple thing out in the next 8 hours.

It's funny, the simpler the problem, the more time it takes me to figure out. I am trying to obey the rules and not cheat with the code. the tempation to use other methods persists. i must not give in to the dark side.

zeros and non-zeros

2006-09-10T19:26:00.000-04:00

Back from Iowa. All is good. I am needing cave time - too much socialness, too much parents, too much fox news on all day, too much driving and not walking and feeling like a blobbing yuck. Anxiety is surging through the veins as usual, in the form of early waking and talking to self with positive limerick. I am going to the shack now I guess where I will channel the energies into tiny stitching and more mental gaming. There are many relic shows I need to view and this also causes the anxiety.

I am tired of doing pointless things. I do not know what is not pointless however. hello to you all. I bid you adieu.